An anxiously-attached mother predominantly engages in emotional mentalisation, comprising automatic processes that rely on social cues (e.g., facial expressions) to form an understanding of the mental state of others (Fonagy & Luyten, 2009; Lieberman, 2007).
A parent who creates an anxious attachment pattern may overdo it for their child in an attempt to get “love” and reassurance from them. The child with this type of attachment to their parent does not internalize a sense of calm. They are left in a state of confusion about whether they can depend on others.
Referred to as anxious ambivalent attachment in children, anxious attachment develops in early childhood. Most often, anxious attachment is due to misattuned and inconsistent parenting. Low self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships are common signs of this attachment style.
Anxious attachment is a type of insecure attachment style rooted in a fear of abandonment and an insecurity of being underappreciated. People with an anxious attachment style, also called preoccupied attachment disorder1 , often feel nervous about being separated from their partner.
Examples of anxious attachment
calling or texting your partner repeatedly until they respond. frequently checking social media for information. feeling suspicious when everything is calm. going along with whatever your friends want to do even if you don't feel like it.
In an attempt to avoid abandonment, an anxious attacher may become clingy, hypervigilant, and jealous in a relationship. They are often overwhelmed by the fear of being alone, so they do whatever they can within their power to hold on to their relationship.
Individuals with an anxious attachment style are characterized with: Being clingy. Having an intensely persistent and hypervigilant alertness towards their partner's actions or inactions.
People with an anxious attachment style are more likely to struggle with self-doubt, fall in love quickly and carry a strong fear that their partner will leave them. They often require reassurance.
"When it comes to romantic relationships, people with anxious attachment desire connection and love. However, at the same time, they find it difficult to trust people creating overwhelming insecurity about their relationships.
It's not uncommon to train yourself to seek out red flags if you've ever been in a toxic relationship. Recognizing red flags is a healthy method of protection but having an anxious attachment style is also a method of protection and self-preservation that may not be so healthy.
The biggest cause of someone becoming anxiously attached is inconsistent parenting in childhood. At times, this can look like a caregiver being supportive on some days and unsupportive just as frequently.
Provide some Reassurance and Attention
Generally, anxiously attached adults need reassurance that they are loved and worthy. One way to ensure they feel loved is to tell them you love them. Without the cost of feeding into their constant need for reassurance, they need to hear it every once in a while.
Attachment is a pattern of interaction and communication established and developed between mother and baby.
Excessive attachment of a mother, also known as “enmeshment,” can occur when a mother becomes overly involved in her child's life and has difficulty separating her identity from that of her child. This can manifest in various ways, such as being overly controlling, intrusive, and highly protective of the child.
Anxious people may be unconsciously drawn to avoidant partners because they represent a challenge or an opportunity to attain the emotional connection they long for.
Research shows that people who have an anxious attachment style may bemore likely to engage in manipulative behavior.
After anxious attachers process their distress, they typically feel emotionally capable of rebounding into another relationship. This new experience often allows them to establish a renewed sense of connectedness and security, as well as focus on something other than “pining” over their ex.
The Anxious Attachment Style Stress Response
They also typically feel overwhelmed and sensitive to the reactions of those around them. As a result of these feelings, someone with an anxious attachment style engages their “fight” response when stressed.
People with an ambivalent attachment style (also referred to as “anxious-preoccupied,” “ambivalent-anxious,” or simply “anxious attachment”) tend to be overly needy. As the labels suggest, people with this attachment style are often anxious and uncertain, lacking in self-esteem.
Taking into account the causes of clinginess, it becomes clear that this behavior is often the result of attachment trauma – not receiving the closeness, comfort, and security a child needs to feel safe. This perceived lack of safety expresses itself in all areas of life, but especially in romantic relationships.
Adverse childhood experiences like divorce, domestic violence, substance abuse, and parents with mental health issues all can leave their mark on the child's forming brain and nervous system . The long-term result manifests as a struggle with symptoms of attachment trauma which last well into adulthood.
Experiencing Significant Jealousy or Distrust
Lukin, significant jealousy is one of the key signs of an unhealthy emotional attachment such as, “when a person spends a lot of time thinking and worrying about what their partner is doing,” he states “that typically suggests an unhealthy connection.”
Of the four patterns of attachment (secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized), disorganized attachment in infancy and early childhood is recognized as a powerful predictor for serious psychopathology and maladjustment in children (2,18–24).
The key concepts of the anxious attachment style are: They draw attention to the relationship bond. They may relentlessly try to repair their connection with their spouse. Their main goal is to find consistent security.