A toxic sibling relationship is a relationship that is unbalanced in its power dynamic and may involve sibling abuse and dysfunctional sibling rivalry. Sibling estrangement can be caused by parental favouritism, having immature parents, parental or sibling abuse and psychopathy.
The opposite type of the harmonious sibling relationship is the hostile sibling relationship, which is characterized by high levels of hostility and low levels of warmth. These relationships are marked by high levels of conflict between the siblings, which can often be highly physically and verbally aggressive.
“In general, researchers have found that the closest, most longstanding relationships are between sisters,” says Jane Mersky Leder, author of “Brothers & Sisters: How They Shape Our Lives.” “The next closest are between sisters and brothers and the least close is between brothers.”
On the other hand, if a sibling has been consistently hurtful or abusive toward you and there's potential for the relationship to continue to be hurtful or toxic, keeping your distance may be a healthy way to protect yourself from getting hurt repeatedly in the future.
Toxic people, in general, do not own up to their actions and the influence they have on others. “Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships.”
Examples of a gaslighting family member include: Statements like, “I never said that”, used to destabilize you and question previous events. They use your personal weaknesses to prey on you, and lead you to believe that others see you in a negative light by saying things like, “everyone thinks you're…”.
The main causes of sibling rivalry are about what kids see as fairness. Your kids strive for equal treatment. "Three things are typically at the root of most sibling rivalry: kids feeling they're getting unequal amounts of attention, degrees of responsiveness and severity of discipline," says Donna Housman, Ed.
Siblings may be jealous of and harbor resentment toward one another. The main causes of sibling rivalry are lack of social skills, concerns with fairness, individual temperaments, special needs, parenting style, parent's conflict resolution skills and culture.
Can sibling abuse lead to PTSD? Abuse is abuse, no matter who it's carried out by. Sibling abuse, just like other forms of abuse, can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
It may be cold comfort, but an older sibling showing rudeness to a younger sibling is almost guaranteed in most families. The main reason siblings are unkind to each other is obvious (but often ignored): Immature people pushed together equals disagreements and meanness.
If you feel like you hate your sister, you're not alone. It is common for siblings to fight, which can lead to rivalry and hatred over time. Hatred for a sibling can set in at any age, in childhood or adulthood. It can intensify over time or dissipate as the years pass.
Changing the subject or refusing to listen when confronted about a lie or other gaslighting behavior. Telling you that you're overreacting when you call them out. Blame shifting in relationships—saying that if you acted differently, they wouldn't treat you like this, so it's really your fault.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators.
Monopolizing conversations; demanding constant attention. Disrespecting boundaries; feeling entitled that they needn't comply with others' wishes. Betraying confidence. Launching “campaigns” against others: making themselves look perfect and their sibling look like the “crazy” one.
Make no mistake: cutting off a sibling isn't what anyone would want or hope for, but as the people I spoke to agreed, sometimes it's the wise and necessary choice: it's not healthy to hold on to someone who persistently hurts you. "Occasionally sibling relationships just don't work out," Collins told Insider.
Sibling estrangement can be caused by parental favouritism, having immature parents, parental or sibling abuse and psychopathy. There are steps you can take to heal from a toxic sibling relationship, such as doing deep Shadow Work, engaging in honest conversation and family therapy.
While it can make you uncomfortable, sibling rivalry can be an important way for children to learn how to be fair and work through problems. Sibling rivalry often peaks between 2 and 4 as children understand their surroundings and siblings better. As children get older, sibling rivalry often improves.