Stonewalling is a persistent refusal to communicate or to express emotions. It is common during conflicts, when people may stonewall in an attempt to avoid uncomfortable conversations or out of fear that engaging in an emotional discussion will result in a fight.
Here are some of the signs of stonewalling to look out for: They walk out in the middle of a conversation without warning or explanation. They refuse to talk about or give reasons not to talk about an issue. They dismiss your concerns.
Stonewalling Maybe Rooted In Trauma
Any time someone in the relationship has difficulty expressing their feelings, they may resort to stonewalling. People stonewall to avoid conflict, and to calm themselves. In some cases, stonewalling is a trauma response.
It can be an attempt to gain control or power over the other person. By shutting down communication and emotional intimacy, the stonewalling partner expresses that they do not value the other person's feelings or perspective. This behavior may cause emotional distress and can be classified as emotional abuse.
In many cases, the person doing the stonewalling is not trying to be irritating or mean-spirited. Instead, they likely try to withdraw because the situation feels too emotionally overpowering. For some people, stonewalling can be a coping mechanism, a form of protection against feeling overwhelmed.
Narcissists are known to engage in manipulative, aggressive behavior, including stonewalling. When a narcissist perceives a threat to their grandiose self-view, they will respond with hostility or rage.
In romantic relationships, stonewalling is often used to control a partner by deliberately cutting off communication and refusing cooperation. This hinders or prevents the ability to overcome issues or make key decisions about their future.
Emotional stonewalling can have serious consequences for relationships. It creates feelings of isolation, neglect, and frustration in the affected partner.
Most men don't even realize that this protective mechanism is incredibly toxic to their relationships. But given how destructive this behavior is, it is important for your boyfriend to understand why he is doing this and what the effects are.
Stonewalling is, well, what it sounds like. In a discussion or argument, the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded. Metaphorically speaking, they build a wall between them and their partner.
Breaking the Cycle. Recognize and Communicate Your Feelings: Acknowledge your own emotions and the impact stonewalling has on you. Express your feelings to your partner using “I” statements, highlighting the specific behaviors you find hurtful or frustrating.
The antidote to stonewalling is to take a self-soothing break for at least 20 minutes and then re-engage with your partner when you feel calmer and are able to constructively express your views.
Stonewalling, which happens when someone stops communication altogether, is one of the most toxic forms of passive-aggressive behaviors, says Manly. It's also a leading predictor of divorce.
According to Gottman, stonewalling can be used as a form of manipulation or punishment and not just a way to avoid conflict.
Someone who is stonewalling in a relationship avoids engaging in an emotional discussion, problem-solving about feelings, or any sort of emotional cooperation or resolution. They don't address conflict, pain, anger, desire, or fear. In a sense, they are impeding a relationship of emotional intimacy with you.
If you are in a conversation or argument and your partner emotionally shuts down and refuses to communicate, this can be an example of what is called “stonewalling.” Stonewalling most often happens during times of conflict, when a person may feel so overwhelmed by the conflict that they withdraw, perhaps to steer clear ...
While it's OK to take space from your partner or an issue before discussing it, stonewalling shows a desire to detach from the relationship and conflict resolution. It can affect both partners physiologically, and it often escalates conflicts because of the reaction it elicits from the stonewalled person.
The silent treatment is meant to hurt the other person where stonewalling is flooding and self-perseverance.
By establishing boundaries, enforcing consequences if necessary, sharing emotions with others, and speaking up for yourself; you will take away their power, thus protecting yourself from the narcissist's silent treatment.
“The difference between gaslighting and stonewalling is that gaslighting involves trying to convince the other person of a different reality than the one they have experienced,” she explains. “Stonewalling can be more about shutting down to avoid confrontation or to hurt the other person's feelings.
The silent treatment, also known as stonewalling, is when a "listener withdraws from an interaction, refusing to participate or engage, essentially becoming unresponsive," explains John Gottman, world-renowned psychological researcher.
10) Stonewalling your partner
Gottman and Gottman describe stonewalling as a relationship red flag.