Dysfunctional families are fertile ground for neglect, abuse, secrecy, addiction, or denial. In these family systems, children's emotional needs go unmet because the parents' needs take precedence. One or both parents might be suffering from a substance use disorder, personality disorder, or mood disorder.
A dysfunctional family is characterized by “conflict, misbehavior, or abuse” [1]. Relationships between family members are tense and can be filled with neglect, yelling, and screaming. You might feel forced to happily accept negative treatment. There's no open space to express your thoughts and feelings freely.
Black addresses three major rules that exist within families when someone has a chemical dependency; don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel. Children can be silenced overtly or passively. As keen observers, children quickly learn how to repress their emotions by witnessing the actions of the adults in their lives.
There are four basic kinds of dysfunctional families that foster delinquent conduct, and these include family conflict and violence, family drug addiction, family poverty, and family disruption and/or instability. Each of these four categories may be broken down further into subcategories.
People who gaslight make victims feel or seem “crazy” using fake environments or claims. A gaslighting parent consistently denies or disputes a child's experiences or feelings, making the child doubt their recollection so that they can escape responsibility for their actions1.
Emotional Distance
Parents aren't able or willing to express empathy or emotional awareness toward their child. Parents aren't able or willing to hold space for the emotional vulnerability of their child. Parents aren't able or willing to offer their child attention except in the case of illness/emergency.
A close family encourages one another. They will listen as you express your feelings and will offer support in difficult times. On the other hand, toxic family show little, if any, concern for your feelings. Some may even disagree with what you say, even if they know you are right.
Introduction. Victimized children growing up in a dysfunctional family are innocent and have absolutely no control over their toxic life environment; they grew up with multiple emotional scarring caused by repeated trauma and pain from their parents' actions, words, and attitudes.
Feelings of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, maintaining close relationships, or feeling worn out after a visit with your family are all signs you grew up in a toxic family.
1 Dysfunction may manifest as poor communication, frequent conflict, emotional or physical abuse, and much more. Dysfunctional relationships or situations often serve as motivation for people to seek help, often in the form of psychotherapy.
Trauma-informed parenting is an approach to raising children that acknowledges and addresses the potential effects of past traumatic experiences on a child's development, behavior, and emotional well-being.
MYTH: Kids only get mental illness because they have “bad” parents. REALITY: Although a child's home environment and relationships with parents can exacerbate mental illness, these factors do not cause mental disorders. Mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, autism, and learning disorders are biological causes.
Abusive. Verbal abuse and emotional abuse are commonplace in toxic families. Yelling, screaming, and name-calling are their primary means of communication with their children. Any form of assertiveness, individual differences, or rebellion is seen by toxic parents as a personal attack.
Lazy parenting includes being uninterested in spending time and energy with kids, giving kids devices to shut them up, not being willing to listen to kids because they are too lazy to deal with uncomfortable feelings and tantrums, etc.
The Lost Child seeks the privacy of his or her own company to be away from the family chaos. Because they don't interact, they never have a chance to develop important social and communication skills. The Lost Child often has poor communication skills, difficulties with intimacy and in forming relationships.
The lost child spends a great deal of time daydreaming, fantasizing, and creating worlds in her mind where she is happier than with her true family. They love to do solitary activities like watching TV, playing video games, and reading. Lost children are invisible, lonely, and afraid.
The Effects of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family
Children involved with a dysfunctional family unit could have study problems in school. They could [also] drift into drug or alcohol abuse.” Children from dysfunctional families are also more likely to become withdrawn and socially isolated.
Here are some common signs of toxic behavior from a family member: Their perception of you doesn't jibe with the way you see yourself. They accuse you of things that you feel aren't true. They make you feel like you're never enough or bad about yourself, or otherwise emotionally destabilized.
They may split and pit family members against each other (toxic behavior), usually by lying for their own personal gain. This form of psychological bullying is quite harmful to family members and may manifest in depression, anxiety, feelings of helplessness, or post-traumatic stress symptoms in many family members.
Auleta tells Romper that some narcissistic traits a toxic father might display include dominating the conversation, excessive or neglectful communication (like too many or too few calls or texts), blaming others for their behavior, making you second guess your decisions or criticizing your choices, or love bombing ...
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Signs that your parent is emotionally unavailable
They respond to children's emotions with impatience or indifference. They avoid or prevent discussion of negative emotions. They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need.
An emotion dismissing parent is a parent who consciously or unconsciously belittles their child's negative feelings or emotional expression. They invalidate their child's emotions and make the child feel bad about having those feelings.