The Effects of Gaslighting On Those Diagnosed With BPD Many struggling with BPD are already highly sensitive individuals and lean towards perfectionistic tendencies and people-pleasing (which are manifestations of their trauma and rooted in low self-worth). When gaslit, these individuals are being invalidated.
Gaslighting is particularly hurtful to individuals with symptoms of BPD. Targets of gaslighting can protect themselves by identifying gaslighting and not taking it personally.
Gaslighting leads to internal confusion, which decreases confidence in memory and self. A person who is gaslighting will lie shamelessly, change the story, and downplay how you feel. Additionally, the gaslighter may adopt strategies like minimization and deflection.
Rejection of any kind can be a painful experience for someone with BPD, as it can trigger feelings of abandonment, emptiness, and loneliness. For people with BPD, it is important to have a support system to help them cope with these feelings.
Next to traumatic experiences, temperamental and neurobiological vulnerabilities seem to contribute to the development of dissociation. Stress-related dissociation is a prevalent symptom of BPD, which may interfere with psychosocial functioning and treatment outcome.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Those with BPD experiencing dissociation often feel lost, scared, and detached from reality. While dissociation is not the primary symptom of BPD, it is one of the symptoms that make getting treatment for BPD all the more urgent.
One of the key features of BPD is the push-pull dynamics, which occur when individuals have a strong urge for intimacy and deep connection with someone, but their fear of rejection and abandonment leads them to push the person away.
Show confidence and respect.
It is important that support people approach the relationship in a way that promotes trust and respect, which can be helpful and healing to a person with BPD. Although you may feel you know what is best, provide the person with BPD the opportunity to make decisions for themselves.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
There may well be some individuals with BPD who are genuinely manipulative or sadistic, especially those who are very strong narcissistic traits. BPDs have very complex needs, as well as very complex maladaptive coping strategies — and manipulation is one of them.
Individuals with BPD feel their emotions intensely and may believe that their perceptions reflect reality. Some signs that a person is splitting include: idealizing someone one moment, then later calling them abusive or toxic. not seeing nuance in the relationships or actions of others.
BPD makes people more likely to engage in impulsive or risky behaviors, such as: Speeding or other unsafe driving. Unprotected sex or sex with strangers. Binge eating.
People with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and sociopaths are more likely to gaslight those around them. Narcissists often: Believe they are better than others.
But for many folks with borderline personality disorder (BPD), self-sabotage can often be at the forefront of their lives. As Mighty contributor Sheridan Ashby who lives with BPD put it, Self-sabotaging (relationships, jobs, etc.) is a fairly common habit of people with borderline personality disorder.
Relationships. Relationships are one of the most common triggers for people with BPD. People with the disorder tend to experience a higher than usual sensitivity to being abandoned by their loved ones. This leads to feelings of intense fear and anger.
Saying "Stop over-reacting" or "I don't understand you" invalidates a complex inner experience and can create more defensive volatility in BPD. Acknowledging the space they are in and asking to return to it later can have better outcomes when you're both in a better place.
Those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can portray themselves as the victim and their partner as the villain who becomes blamed for the problems. Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them.
If you are feeling perpetually anxious or depressed as a result of caring for your loved one with BPD, you might find it impossible to continue living in those circumstances. Caring for your loved one while maintaining the responsibilities of work, home, and family can erode your own mental well-being.
Loneliness may be common with BPD, but it's not impossible to overcome. There are many strategies you can use to feel less alone, such as joining a support group, taking classes, caring for an animal, and finding new ways to communicate with your loved ones. You may also want to consider engaging in therapy.
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
When the individual feels they have been abandoned or shunned, it's common for them to react emotionally. Sometimes a person will strike out in anger at the source of the rejection or abandonment. This might also occur when people feel invalidated or dismissed.
Psychotic episodes include hallucinations or delusions. Psychosis can occur in both schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder, but psychotic episodes in BPD are, by definition, short, fleeting, and related to stress.
The foundation of relational problems is often anger and impulsivity. If you are feeling devalued or completely disrespected, make that known to the person and then create boundaries that make it clear you will not tolerate any abuse. If this does not help, gradually distance yourself until boundaries are “reset.”