Ultimately, narcissists view love as something that is owed to them and will usually act with a sense of entitlement in their relationships. Their love depends on their partner's unconditional admiration, often leading to toxic and one-sided dynamics.
While this is an intimidating definition, narcissistic individuals can and do fall in love and commit to romantic involvements. Research the complexities of the disorder, and you will discover such things as narcissists often experience doubts, become seriously depressed and feel shame.
Truth 1: Narcissists fall in love with their fantasy of you.
The reality is that narcissistic love is quite shallow and ultimately depends on how perfectly you embody their fantasies and how well you are meeting their needs. It is all about them and not about you.
They like people who are strong
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
Narcissists want to have their own way. They tend to be rule-oriented and controlling. They are inflexible. It benefits narcissists to have partners who are willing to go with the flow and not make a big deal over anything, ever.
One of the most common misconceptions is that narcissists only look for emotionally dependent partners who lack confidence and self-esteem. In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women.
Whether a narcissist can change for love is a complicated question that depends on a wide range of factors. The most important thing to consider is whether your needs are getting met, and what change you need your partner to make for the relationship to work for you.
“Deep down, narcissists hope for love and caring”, says Frank Yeomans, “but it often makes them feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it, partly because they feel vulnerable and doubt the authenticity of any love that comes their way.
For a narcissist to be happy, you'll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you'll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology. Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling.
Indeed, we knew from prior work that narcissists fantasize about having power over others, and that their sense of self-worth fluctuates based on others' respect and admiration. To understand what narcissists want, it is critical to examine what makes them feel good and bad.
A key trait of narcissists is confidence – they are attractive because they think of themselves as attractive. They believe in their own value, so this confidence and charisma become qualities that pull others in, that makes them the life and soul of the party.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.
He doesn't want you to know you are lovable and have power in the relationship. Your narcissist wants you to feel small, unlovable, powerless, and without value. This is how he controls you.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
While narcissists throw around the love word often, it does not mean that they will treat you in a loving, kind, compassionate, and/or sensitive way. Narcissists only care about themselves.
Narcissists fall in love quickly, but it isn't true love, it is infatuated love. This happens because the emotional neglect they experienced as a child corrupted their perception and definition of love. They don't know what true love is, all they know is they need a consistent flow of narcissistic supply.
Many people love narcissists and have maintained successful relationships with them. They may need to acknowledge their behaviors and take steps to rein them in, though. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, a healthy connection may not be possible.