So when they encounter a piece of information about narcissism they immediately might feel exposed, ashamed, betrayed, or attacked. Moreover, they often take things very personally and think that everything is about them.
An often effective way to point out a person's narcissism, while at the same time allowing the individual flexibility to change, is to separate the behavior from the person. For instance, instead of stating “you're a narcissist,” say “you're acting like a narcissist,” or “this [specify the behavior] is narcissistic.”
Calling out the narcissist really has no benefit. They won't start to acknowledge their wrongs and make efforts to change. By calling them out, you just open yourself up to more abuse from the narcissist. This might be hard to hear because this means you are left with no way to be heard for how you are being treated.
Don't directly confront a narcissist: Pointing out that they are wrong or lying does not work, Greenberg says. You won't change their view; the narcissist will just shift tactics. Don't talk about your feelings: Because narcissists have a lack of compassion, this won't get through to them.
When a narcissist knows you are onto them, they know it would be hard to trick you anymore. Hence, when a narcissist loses power, what they do is create a trauma bond. A trauma bond is a series of toxic behaviors the narcissist displays.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
It is important to remember the narcissist cannot take blame for things and will always deflect the blame onto someone else. They will use projection, gaslighting, and many other forms of manipulation and control to have you think you are the problem and the narcissist.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Force them to listen with strong eye contact, confident posture, and an even, firm tone. Speak clearly and concisely to make them understand you. Being assertive means advocating for yourself without disrespecting someone else (in this case, the narcissist). Stay calm and polite no matter how they react.
If you tell them you think they are a narcissist, your days will be numbered. They won't consider that you might have a point. Instead, they will make a mental note to get rid of you as soon as possible. Their MO is to replace insubordinate with someone fresh, who doesn't destabilize their fragile sense of self.
Draw attention to a narcissist's contradictions to expose them. Malignant narcissists will share incompatible ideas and statements as it suits them. Whenever you spot an inconsistency, nicely comment on it in a roundabout way without being combative.
The most official of the narcissism tests, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), is commonly used to determine if someone displays narcissistic behaviors.
Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
People with narcissistic personality disorder tend not to perceive that they themselves may have a mental health problem, and thus may be less likely to seek evaluation or treatment.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
Narcissism tends to play out intergenerationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or codependent children in turn. While a self-confident parent, or good-enough parent, can allow a child their autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child to promote their own image.
Do narcissists hate themselves? The answer is yes, however, these folks will never admit it! People with this personality disorder are shrouded with self-loathing and hate, but are too proud to seek help for these issues.
Because they have low self-esteem, any perceived judgment can damage a narcissist's sense of self. Narcissists often react to an emotional wound with rage outbursts, passive-aggression, or denial to protect themselves from future harm.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
This means someone living with narcissistic traits may cry from regret or remorse, but not with empathy at its source. They may feel embarrassed, for example, about being criticized for their part in a distressing situation. They may feel sadness or regret that whatever happened paints them in a negative light.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.