A living wake is generally the same type of ceremony as a traditional wake or funeral, except it happens before the person has died. It's a chance for a community of friends and family to come together and tell a loved one the impact they have made on their lives, while they are still here to hear it.
There is no formal etiquette for a living funeral. Opting to hold a living funeral is challenging the norm in culture today, and therefore there is no stereotypical notion of what a living funeral should be.
A wake will usually include food and drinks, music, and the like. A wake is usually scheduled before the funeral with the body of the deceased present. However, in some cases, it can also be held afterward. Although, this is often more referred to as a reception.
Instead of a traditional funeral happening after a person has died, the event is held whilst they are still alive and present. This could be done in a formal ceremony, a more relaxed party with off-the-cuff speeches or a combination of both.
A funeral wake is simply a gathering of mourners before or after the funeral service, or sometimes, in place of it. In Australia, when we think of a wake it usually consists of the mourners from the service gathering at the deceased's home, or another venue, to eat, drink and share memories of their loved one.
What do I include in a living wake? You might wish to include funeral elements like a eulogy and tributes. Perhaps you'd like a special song, poem, reading, prayer or Bible verse. An alternative is to go around the room and give everyone the chance to tell a story about the guest of honour.
Depending on the wishes of the family, the body may be present – although this is more common during viewings and wakes. You should dress nicely, according to visitation etiquette but not necessarily as formally as you would for a funeral.
A wake is a Catholic tradition, while people of any faith can do viewing. A funeral wake is typically led by clergy or a priest, whereas a viewing will not. Another difference is that viewing is an informal event, while a funeral wake might be either an informal or formal event.
A wake, also known as a funeral reception, is an event where close friends and family of the deceased gather together to pay their respects to their loved one. Traditionally, a wake referred to the viewing held before the funeral, but nowadays it's usually held after the funeral or memorial service.
For example, a wake is a more informal time for visitation and remembrance of the dead, whereas a funeral typically contains structured rituals and is often religious in nature. It's common for a family to have both a wake and a funeral in order to commemorate the death of a loved one.
But during the wake of their beloved, superstitions say that one must refrain from sweeping the floor. Neither should you try and take a shower at the place where the deceased is. Doing so may send its spirit away from the place, preventing it from “safely passing” to life after death.
This is how funerals and wakes are different; a funeral tends to be more formal with a group of people listening to one person at a time giving a pre-rehearsed speech. Whereas a wake is informal and usually results in different groups of people chatting.
If you attend a wake you should approach the family and express your sympathy. As with the condolence visit it is appropriate to relate your memories of the deceased. If you were only acquainted with the deceased (and not the family) you should introduce yourself.
If you are an ex-spouse of the deceased or their family
If you have a poor relationship with your ex-spouse's family, it may be inappropriate for you to attend the wake. You can attend the funeral but do so unobtrusively.
According to the The Funeral Source, it is appropriate for guests to stay at the wake for as little as 15 to 20 minutes. However, you should use your own discretion upon deciding when to leave. If you're close with the family, you may want to stay longer. Offer to help and socialize with the other guests at the wake.
When attending a wake, it is customary to bring gifts for family of the deceased. The type of gift you should bring depends on your relationship with the family and the deceased.
When thinking about what to wear to a wake, women have to remember that this is a somber occasion, and it is best to choose conservative colors and styles. You don't have to wear black, but it is acceptable if you decide to wear all black. Other colors include navy blue, gray, blush colors, and neutrals such as beige.
Wakes typically last a few hours. However, depending on the location, this may differ. Some families organise a larger celebration and hire a venue that accommodates socialising for several hours after the funeral service. There is not generally a set time for guests to leave a wake.
When it comes to Catholic funeral visitation and mass etiquette, know that the mood will likely somber and formal. Mourners are usually encouraged to wear dark, muted colors. Black is traditional but any dark color is usually considered appropriate.
Guests offer prayers and condolences to the family and may read scripture. Eulogies, singing and poetry readings may also take place during a vigil. The rosary will be prayed. Some families prefer to have the wake and funeral on the same day.
The first day after a death is usually reserved for the family to make arrangements for the funeral. The second day is often reserved for a wake or visitation, which is commonly held at a funeral home and may possibly last two days.
While some people find comfort in seeing their loved ones as they remember them, it may also be uncomfortable to others. If they have an open casket viewing, make sure you follow proper funeral etiquette: DON'T touch the body under any circumstances. Sometimes the casket has a glass to prevent this from happening.
Business casual is typically acceptable. Stay away from festive or fun attire. Sometimes families choose to encourage the celebration of their loved one's life at the wake. If that is the case, wearing festive clothing is totally acceptable.
At the actual wake, you do not want to take any photos. It can be distracting for other people and it can be a bit disrespectful for the family of the deceased. People will be upset and grieving and they will not want to be in any photos, so you do not want to make them uncomfortable.