While divorce can happen to anyone, statistics show higher rates among those marrying young (especially under 25), people with lower education or income, and those remarrying, with recent trends also showing a rise in "gray divorces" for older couples; racial/ethnic differences also exist, with Black adults historically showing higher rates and Asian adults lower.
Nearly 69% of divorces are initiated by women, often due to unmet needs and infidelity. African-American women have the highest divorce rates, while Asian women have the lowest. The U.S. marriage rate rose to 6.2 per 1,000 people in 2022, with Nevada having the highest rate.
Women initiate the majority of divorces, with studies showing they file in around 70% of cases, a rate that increases to about 90% for college-educated women, according to research from the American Sociological Association (ASA). This trend highlights that women often bear the emotional burden, experience unmet needs, and have greater financial independence, making them more likely to seek divorce when dissatisfied with the relationship.
If you or your Partner Have Been Married Before
If both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you are 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.
Women are more likely to initiate divorce due to evolving social dynamics and empowerment. The role of the partner is also important, as relationship dynamics and the actions of each partner can significantly influence divorce decisions.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a guideline for maintaining strong connection by scheduling dedicated time: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway (or night away) every 7 weeks, and a longer, kid-free vacation every 7 months, all designed to fight drift and routine by ensuring consistent, intentional quality time, though flexibility is key.
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have slotted years of marriage into periods and have rated them based on their risk of divorce:
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
The 80/80 Marriage pushes couples beyond the limited idea of “fairness” toward a new model grounded on radical generosity and shared success, one that calls for each partner to contribute 80 percent to build the strongest possible relationship.
Grey divorce is the dissolution of marriage among couples aged 50 and older. Over the years, many older adults have started prioritizing personal happiness and emotional well-being over remaining in unfulfilling marriages.
Divorcing spouses often choose divorce mediation to craft an agreement outside of court. The parties then file that settlement agreement with the family law court. Family law attorneys and mediators can help with the filing process. A judge will review the agreement for fairness and issue a divorce decree.
Marital Duration by Race/Ethnicity
Sex hormone differences among diverse human sexual orientations are mixed. Role of biopsychosocial stress in explaining these sex hormone differences is unknown. Testosterone and progesterone higher for lesbian/bisexual than heterosexual women.
For some, staying single is a temporary pause while they figure themselves out. For others, it's a long-term choice rooted in the value of freedom. Either way, it's a reflection of how relationships today demand more than they used to—and not everyone feels ready to rise to that challenge.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Signs Your Marriage May Be Over
The Misery Stage is where many couples find themselves considering a marriage separation or divorce. When children are involved this 3rd Stage of Misery is particularly difficult on them.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
They can do that by understanding the “Seven C's” of marriage which include the Command for marriage, a Commitment to marriage, Communication, Couple time, agreeing on issues with their Currency, putting Christ at the center of the marriage, and supporting each other's endeavors in the Community.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The biggest divorce mistake is often letting emotions control decisions, leading to impulsive actions, but failing to seek early legal and financial advice is equally critical, as it can severely jeopardize your long-term financial security and rights, especially regarding property division and child custody. Other major errors include hiding assets, not focusing on children's needs, and using the process for revenge rather than resolution.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …