When cheated on, people often feel an overwhelming mix of intense emotions like betrayal, anger, shock, deep sadness, disgust, anxiety, and insecurity, leading to shattered trust, self-doubt, and a profound sense of loss for the relationship and shared future, sometimes resembling trauma. Physically, this can manifest as lightheadedness, trembling, and a racing heart, creating a traumatic, disorienting experience that impacts self-worth and mental stability.
You feel betrayed, angry, embarrassed and completely heartbroken. It can make you question everything about yourself, your relationship and your life. But we're here to tell you that it's going to be okay – not immediately, but soon. If you've found yourself in this situation, our handy tips will help you to cope.
Focus on Appreciating Acts of Kindness
If you are trying to heal from being cheated on, it can be important to notice the acts of kindness your partner is making to atone for hurting you. This can help heal your heart and motivate you to move toward rebuilding trust.
Does being cheated on change you or your mental health or cause anxiety? Yes. Infidelity can have significant effects on your mental health. Specifically, it may cause low self-esteem, insecurity, social anxiety, and trust issues.
They can experience crushing guilt
The thought of someone finding out what he has done can make it hard for him to focus on his work and distract him from time with his family. Deep regret might stay with him all the time, and he may even stop (or try to stop many times) the affair due to his feelings of remorse.
Although not everyone experiences each stage and they can occur in any order, these stages are:
Do Cheaters Realize What They Lost? In the wake of a relationship torn apart by infidelity, many cheaters confront a profound sense of loss. This realization often surfaces once the immediate gratification of their actions fades, leaving behind a stark reflection of what was sacrificed.
Cheating on a partner doesn't always mean love is gone.
Many who cheat still feel love for their partner and guilt for the infidelity. Cheating can stem from emotional distance, insecurity, or the fear of missing out. Addiction, stress, or past trauma can drive infidelity without negating love.
Right now, learning that it takes an average of 2 to 5 years to get over the pain of infidelity may seem impossible. How could you ever get over such a betrayal? Yes, recovering from such a blow is going to take a long time, but there are actions, such as therapy, that can facilitate recovery and save your marriage.
Those who cheat can be driven by many things (An analysis revealed eight key reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance) but what is often overlooked is that these types of people often cheat repeatedly for the short term chemical ...
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
My view is that when your well-being, safety, and sense of self are at risk, it's not just okay to walk away—it's necessary. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space—one where you are respected, valued, and emotionally supported.
Practices such as mindfulness or yoga, seeking out support from loved ones and/or seeking out professional help through therapy can be helpful ways to continue to mind yourself while you process the hurt.
Infidelity trauma leads to a wide range of reactions, some immediate, others taking time to emerge and make themselves known. Anger and rage, disbelief, confusion, insecurity, anxiety, and deep sadness—these emotions often crash over the betrayed partner in waves, unpredictable and overwhelming.
After cheating, it's common to feel other emotions besides guilt. You might experience remorse, anxiety, sadness, or shame. Working through these emotional stages in a healthy way may include accepting responsibility, making meaningful changes, and seeking support from a therapist.
What hurts the most about being cheated on? There is no doubt that having someone you love and care about cheat on you is hurtful. People who have experienced infidelity report feeling betrayed, losing trust, rage, and damaged self-esteem.
This includes reports of developing lower self-esteem, self-confidence, a lack of trust in others and a strong fear of abandonment in future romantic relationships [31].
Tips for building empathy after infidelity 💔
Betrayal trauma activates the brain's threat detection system in profoundly destabilizing ways. According to neuroscientific research, the brain responds to betrayal in a manner similar to how it responds to physical danger because, on a relational level, it poses a threat to survival.
Soft cheating (or micro-cheating) involves subtle, often digital, behaviors that cross relationship boundaries and breach trust without being full-blown infidelity, like excessive social media interaction with others, hiding messages, or maintaining secretive contact with an ex, often stemming from a need for validation but eroding intimacy and causing insecurity.
The 2-2-2 relationship rule is a guideline for couples to keep their bond strong and fresh by scheduling regular, dedicated time together: a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years, which helps prioritize connection, break routine, and create lasting memories. It's a framework to ensure consistent quality time, even with busy schedules, to prevent boredom and strengthen partnership.
There isn't one single "best" predictor of cheating; rather, it's a combination of factors, with relationship dissatisfaction, low sexual satisfaction, mismatched sexual desire, and poor communication being the strongest predictors, often alongside individual traits like insecure attachment styles, impulsivity, and a history of infidelity. Ultimately, a lack of emotional connection and unresolved relationship issues significantly increase the risk, according to this Psychology Today article, this National Institutes of Health article, and this Medium article.
It may also be a symptom associated with certain personality disorders, including narcissistic, histrionic, antisocial, and borderline personality disorders. Finally, people with substance use disorders may be more inclined to cheat when they're under the influence.
The "65% rule of breakups" refers to research suggesting couples often separate when relationship satisfaction drops below a critical threshold, around 65% of the maximum possible score, indicating distress is too high to continue. While not a formal psychological law, experts use the idea to suggest that if you feel significantly unhappy (e.g., 65% sure the relationship isn't working), it might be time to consider ending it to create space for peace and something healthier, rather than staying in a failing situation.
Signs the spark is gone in a relationship often involve a decline in physical intimacy (less sex, touching, kissing), reduced or negative communication (criticism, stonewalling, no deep talks), emotional distance (feeling detached, irritable), and a lack of shared enjoyment or effort (avoiding time together, no dates, less interest in the future). It's a shift from excitement and vulnerability to routine or resentment, where the desire for deep connection and shared passion fades.