Over-apologizing can happen for a variety of reasons. Some of the most common reasons, according to Jocelyn Hamsher, a therapist in Arizona, include: false guilt (feeling responsible for something you are not responsible for) carried guilt (feeling guilt for someone else's behavior because they don't feel guilt)
Although it may seem like a harmless — even overly polite — habit, it comes with consequences. Mental health professionals say over-apologizing can lead to resentment towards others, shame around one's identity, and a constant struggle to stand up for oneself.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
To be truly sorry means feeling regret or sorrow over an unfortunate situation and your role in it. But in unhealthy relationships, people often say, “I'm sorry” not to express genuine regret; instead, they use it to manipulate their significant other.
An obsequious person might apologize often and more than necessary. You might also check out synonyms of obsequious.
Over-apologizing stems from a submissive state; when individuals use this tactic, they try to avoid confrontation or an escalating situation. This behavior may be especially prevalent in abuse victims who are no longer with their abuser but have not adequately healed from their past.
When abusers apologize with the goal of gaining ultimate control of their victim, gaslighting is often the method they use. By apologizing, they place doubt in their victims' minds. “They apologized to me, so they can't be as terrible as I remember them being.”
Apologize. If you've heard someone say, “Narcissists never apologize,” they're not exactly right. While many traits of narcissism like entitlement, elitism, and arrogance make it unlikely someone with narcissistic traits will go the apology route, apologies are sometimes used with ulterior motives.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
Apologizing frequently can give the illusion of smoothing over any potential tension, alerting the other that you're trying to make sure things work out “just so.” However, this habit of over-apologizing can be a sign of anxiety.
“Over-apologizing can stem from being too hard on ourselves or beating ourselves up for things,” Dr. Juliana Breines, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rhode Island, explained. In addition to anxiety, another mental health disorder that can lead people to over-apologize is OCD.
Here are a few signs you might be afflicted by Sorry Syndrome, according to a few articles listed below: You apologize for things you have no control over. You apologize for someone else's actions.
Excessive apologizing could be tied to mental health conditions like: depression. social anxiety. generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
Apologizing positively impacts our mental health by reducing feelings of guilt and regret.
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry.
Narcissists use apologies to return the advantage to them.
Narcissists seem to think saying they're sorry and will get them instant forgiveness. An apology is a get-out-of-jail-free card for narcissists, and when they play it, it's to get back their power — not give it away.
These manipulative apologies are a type of blame-shift apologies that blame the victim. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did, they make the entire thing your fault and demand an apology from you.
Some say sorry because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or they don't want to lose out on future professional help. Neo said essentially what you're saying is "do not respect me." "When you say too many sorrys you tend to be taken less seriously, and you tend to be less respected," she told Business Insider.
Toxic people will never apologise for their words and actions because they can't see anything wrong with them. They feel that they are the victim and will often twist and retell what happened to such an extent that they honestly can't see an alternative perspective.
Studies show that the average person says, “I'm sorry” 8-10 times per day. That averages out to more than 3,000 apologies per year.
It's a harmless show of politesse. And yes, we all sometimes apologise profusely for practical reasons. Saying sorry to the bank manager you need a loan from, even if you don't feel the mistake in question is yours, makes sense.
Apologizing for the pain and difficulty of the current situation, even if you didn't cause it, shows you place a higher value on the other person than you do on the need to be right. Lose the battle to win the war—You need to have a long-range perspective when it comes to relationships.