Signs of Self-Gaslighting Behavior Questioning whether what you remember is accurate. Constantly telling yourself that you're wrong, crazy, or that you've made a mistake. Believing your situation isn't that bad compared to others (or “downward comparing,” Glowiak says) Dismissing your emotions as too sensitive.
Self gaslighting examples
Convincing yourself that an experience of sexual assault wasn't really sexual assault. Blaming yourself for ongoing verbal abuse from a family member. Telling yourself that what you experienced wasn't trauma. Telling yourself that what you experienced wasn't a big deal or wasn't all that bad.
The idea is to make you feel like your reactions are invalid, your emotions are unimportant, your talents aren't real, or that certain situations literally did or didn't happen. With self-gaslighting, it's kind of like your inner voice is your own tormentor.
Even though it might feel similar at the moment, unintentional (aka unconscious) gaslighting is not done intentionally or with the same ill intent as overt gaslighting. While some people are more likely to engage in this behavior, anyone can become an unintentional gaslighter.
Without being aware of it, you could potentially gaslight others and not even know. Gaslighting can happen in all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. It can also happen between family members, friends and coworkers.
One of the best defenses against gaslighting is to educate yourself about this kind of emotional abuse. Adults with ADHD may be more vulnerable to gaslighting due to issues with self-esteem, difficulty with past relationships, and feelings of guilt and shame.
If people make statements in the context of an argument in which they are trying to explain their point of view, or if these statements are made over the course of legal proceedings or formal hearings, then they may be viewed as someone defending themselves, not intentionally attempting to gaslight.
Unconscious gaslighting
“Shadow gaslighting” is when these disowned parts of ourselves manipulate people in our lives in order to serve their own purpose. An unconscious part of self expresses itself and pursues its own agenda but goes unacknowledged in our awareness.
OCD is a sly, creative, and very destructive manipulator. People with shaky self-esteem and low confidence may find it especially hard to stand up to gaslighters and assert their own assessment of reality. OCD undermines self-confidence and leads to excessive questioning, which feeds doubt.
Can You Gaslight a Gaslighter? It is possible for two people in any type of relationship to gaslight each other. It is not always the case that there is only one abusive or manipulative person in a relationship – sometimes it is both people. A gaslighter is not immune to being gaslighted.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
“A gaslighter will often make you beg for their forgiveness and apologize profusely for any 'wrong' you committed, even if it's something they did,” Stern says. Sometimes you may not even know what you're apologizing for, other than they're upset and it's your responsibility to calm them down.
Shifting blame is a common gaslighting tactic. Accusing the victim of being the gaslighter causes confusion, makes them question the situation, and draws attention away from the true gaslighter's harmful behavior, Sarkis says.
Gaslighting Example 2: Getting Defensive
To maintain control over their victims, a gaslighter will get defensive and find a way to manipulate you into believing you're at fault.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological control, but not lying. Gaslighting targets the victim's mind to gain control and creates an imbalance of power. The gaslighter achieves this by intentionally distorting your reality. In other words, makes you feel like what you're seeing or feeling isn't real.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
People with ADHD have a hard time staying in the moment, predicting the outcomes of their current actions, and learning from past experiences. Their impulsive behavior often makes them risk without thinking. Their hyperactive minds keep switching from one task to another.
That said, gaslighters do have some common characteristics and there are some behaviors you can look out for: Lack of boundaries (oversharing information about themselves or others) Making excuses, blaming others for their issues. Reacting explosively to feedback or (real or imagined) threats.
The opposite of gaslighting is critical thinking, not validation or deference or coddling.
Someone who is gaslighting will try to make a targeted person doubt their perception of reality. The gaslighter may convince the target that their memories are wrong or that they are overreacting to an event. The abuser may then present their own thoughts and feelings as “the real truth.”