People with healthy narcissism have a quiet, comfortable confidence. They are aware of their strengths as well as their shortcomings, and view both as essential to their wholeness. They know they are not perfect, and have no expectations or intentions to be so.
According to Kohut, the qualities of healthy narcissism include: The ability to admire and accept the admiration of others. A solid sense of self-esteem and self-worth. A healthy sense of pride in oneself and one's accomplishments.
Let's recap
Healthy narcissism is not an official term but it can be a useful way to describe behavior that might be somewhat taboo in society, such as prioritizing your own self-interest. The idea of healthy narcissism is that you go about fulfilling your needs in a non-exploitative or entitled way.
“As a personality trait, narcissism exists on a spectrum from healthy functioning to severely disordered,” explains Mark Ettensohn, Psy. D., a clinical psychologist and author of Unmasking Narcissism. Some level of narcissism is normal and even healthy and adaptive, he says.
People oftentimes throw the term "narcissist" around without much awareness of its clinical meaning. It is possible for a person to demonstrate narcissistic traits without having a narcissistic personality disorder, and there is such a thing as healthy narcissism.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) occurs on a spectrum. People with narcissism can, in fact, show empathy and work to develop it further if they choose to do so. Many myths about narcissism stem from the belief that all people with this condition are evil and incapable of change, but that just isn't true.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
There are plenty of tell-tale signs, like self-importance, a lack of empathy, a demanding personality and an excessive need for admiration.
Some narcissists have supreme confidence in themselves, and also have the emotional intelligence — the ability to read people and to act accordingly — to nurture lasting allies. At the extreme of both, such a person could be a presidential candidate or a manipulative sociopath — or both.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
A covert narcissist is a person who has symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) but often hides the more obvious signs of the condition. While it can be more difficult to recognize, covert narcissism can be just as destructive as more overt narcissistic behaviors.
Narcissism is the human experience of feeling important, needing admiration and attention, and wanting success and love. It's normal and can even be a healthy personality trait, if it's mild and occasional. It's perfectly possible to feel or act a little narcissistic, even unpleasantly so, without having a disorder.
Of course, a little narcissism isn't a bad thing. And you're not a narcissist just because you can't resist taking the occasional selfie or sometimes bragging about your latest achievement. Narcissism, like many personality traits, falls on a spectrum.
Ridiculing you. Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. You may experience insults, put-downs, and even mocking behaviors, like laughing as you express hurt.
Control, control, control. A narcissist needs to have control over the situation they're in. Whether that's in a relationship, in a social scenario, or something else, a narcissist will manipulate the circumstances to maintain control.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Narcissists need constant food for their ego, so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for affirmation. These relationships are very one-sided. It's all about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
Narcissists may gaslight someone because they are insecure or have low self-esteem. Narcissists may also gaslight as a way to manipulate or hurt someone and may also do it to gain power or control over someone. And finally, narcissists may gaslight someone because they want to keep them from leaving the relationship.