When your mom is dying, focus on expressing love, gratitude, and saying heartfelt goodbyes, sharing cherished memories, offering reassurance that you'll be okay, and asking for her advice or wisdom, while also giving her permission to let go, as hearing is often the last sense to go, providing comfort even if she seems unresponsive.
That her you'll miss her and you'll make her proud. Tell her that you remember everything she taught you and you'll use it. Tell her you'll never stop loving her. Tell her that you'll tell her grandkids about what a loving mother she was. Tell her you'll never forget her.
Create memories and stories
Often when a person is dying, they like to reflect on their past and think of their achievements so that they can see that their life has been important. If your mum or dad feels up to it, you could sit down and talk about their favourite memories and look back over their life.
The four things to say
I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
Hugs. Talks. Spoil her with her favorite foods, photographs, jokes. Funny movies. Short walks. Tell her thank you. Tell her your favorite attributes of her. Make a book about her life, get her to add stories and advice, and give them to your own children.
The “three magic phrases”—you will not be alone, you will not feel pain, we will be okay—struck a chord with me not only as someone who has sat beside dying friends, but as someone who has wondered what I would want to hear if it were me.
Key signs 2 weeks before death at the end-of-life stages timeline: Extreme fatigue and increased sleep. A marked decrease in appetite and fluid intake. Irregular breathing patterns (Cheyne-Stokes breathing)
Speak soothing words
You can remind him/her that you love him, that he/she has lived a good life, you will remember him/her, and it's okay for him/her to let go when he is ready.
The 3 C's of grief are Control, Connection, and Continuity - three fundamental psychological needs that become disrupted after loss and require intentional attention during the grieving process.
Farewell messages for loved ones
“Your presence will be missed more than words can say. Farewell, and take care always.” “Though we're apart, you'll always be in my heart. Wishing you happiness in your new chapter.”
“It's like God gave me a little piece of heaven on Earth with my mom.” Maya Angelou reminds us all that a mother, though she might be physically gone, is always with us. “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies.
The best approach generally is to be attentive to your mom. Let her know you're there to support her. Often people assume their support and intentions are obvious and they don't need to say it out loud. Yet it can give someone a lot of comfort to hear words along these lines: "I love you and I care about you.
In the last 48 hours of life, common symptoms include significant changes in breathing (faster, slower, pauses, noisy), increased sleep/unresponsiveness, confusion or delirium, cold/mottled skin (especially extremities), decreased appetite/thirst, loss of bladder/bowel control, and restlessness, often with a "death rattle" from fluid buildup, as the body slows down and organs begin to shut down, emphasizing comfort care.
There's no single "worst" age; losing a parent is devastating at any stage, but often cited as uniquely challenging during adolescence/teenage years (identity formation, dependency) and young adulthood (missing guidance during major life milestones like marriage/children), while loss in early childhood deeply impacts fundamental security and development. Grief evolves, but the absence creates unique pain as life stages change, with many experiencing loss in their 40s-60s, often while transitioning to becoming the elder generation.
Example: “Mum may no longer be with us, but the love she gave us and the lessons she taught will stay with us forever. We will miss her every day, but we are comforted knowing she will always be in our hearts. Goodbye, Mum—we love you.”
Before They Go: Ultimate 50 Questions to Ask Your Loved Ones
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. The book explored the experience of dying through interviews with terminally ill patients and described Five Stages of Dying: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance (DABDA).
Fluid can start to gather in their lungs, and their breathing can begin to sound quite 'rattly'. They might cough, but not very deeply. Often, people's skin colour changes in the days before death as the blood circulation declines. They can become paler or greyer or their skin can become mottled or blotchy.
'There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.
Foot rubs, stroking an arm or shoulder, kisses, smiles and gazing into someone's eyes all communicate compassion, love and gratitude for a shared lifetime. Your presence and your touch rank among the most eloquent, regret-free ways there are to say goodbye.
Phrases like, “I'm always here if you need to talk” or “You're not alone in this” can provide the reassurance they need. The goal is to offer comfort and remind them that they have your unwavering support.
100 More Ways to Say Condolences
Final stage (minutes before death).
In the last minutes of life, breathing becomes shallow and may stop altogether. The heartbeat slows and eventually ceases. The body may make reflexive movements, such as small twitches, but these are not signs of pain or distress.
As organs and bodily functions shut down, minimal amounts of nutrition or hydration/liquids might be needed, if at all. We recommend using the body's gradual decline as an indicator for when to stop giving food and water to hospice patients.
Hospice Isn't About Giving Up
It's not a place to speed up the process of dying. A doctor suggesting hospice does not mean they're giving up on providing care and medical treatment. It's end-of-life care, but this doesn't mean giving up hope. It means shifting focus from curative treatments to comfort and support.