Things to Say to Someone With a Victim Mentality “I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm here to talk when you want to figure things out.” “I have about an hour to talk if you'd like to try and figure things out.” “I can't solve this problem for you, but I'm here to help you through it.”
Someone who continually plays the victim believes that bad things always happen to them; that it is always the fault of others or circumstances; and that there is no point in looking for solutions as bad things will keep happening to them anyway.
Playing the victim is a toxic waste of time that not only repels other people, but also robs the victim of ever knowing true happiness. Self-pity is spiritual suicide.
Narcissists may play the victim if they believe they gain something from making you feel guilty. Their tendency to use manipulation tactics is one of the formal symptoms of narcissistic personality.
Self-pity makes a narcissist feel like a hero.
So, feeling self-pity and playing the victim acts as a substitute for that lack of authentic self-worth. Essentially, being the victim makes them the mistreated and misunderstood hero in a story that's all about them.
People who manipulate, use a number of different tactics to control and exploit others, and one of the most common is playing the victim. Everyone knows what it feels like to be wronged. And, most people have also been in a position where they've taken advantage of someone else's kindness or expectations.
If someone starts playing the victim at your workplace, act quickly to diffuse the situation. Listen to their problems—once. Let them get it all out and externalize what just happened to them. This will help them process the situation.
People who have a victim mentality have often suffered through trauma or hard times, but haven't developed a healthier way to cope. As a result, they develop a negative view of life, where they feel that they don't have any control over what happens to them.
You begin to play the victim, because you believe they must be right. The psychological impact of this is incredibly damaging to self-esteem and personal growth. The impact of this on careers and relationships is not hard to see.
A Stanford University study reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that playing the victim leads to a sense of entitlement and to narcissistic or selfish behavior.
Poor Me Syndrome traps people in their current challenges because they believe they're at the mercy of circumstances beyond their control and therefore can't change things. When people are too busy blaming others for their problems, they don't find solutions themselves because they're not even looking for them.
People with a victim mentality often feel powerless, without agency, and lack accountability in their lives. According to research, the primary root cause of a victim mentality stems from a betrayal of trust in past experiences.
Causes of a Victim Mentality
Multiple negative situations where you had no sense of control. Ongoing emotional pain that makes you feel helpless or trapped so that you give up. Having someone betray your trust in the past makes you feel like you can't trust people going forward (especially a parent or partner)
For manipulation
Manipulators often play the victim role ("woe is me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone.
A gaslighting leader who plays the victim rallies supporters into defending the gaslighter against a perceived enemy. This serves two purposes—to distract from the gaslighter's behavior and to keep the perceived enemy off-kilter by quickly switching from an aggressor to a victim.
Emotional abuse is a form of trauma, and trauma is well-established as a serious physical and mental health concern. The number-one reason manipulators prey on your emotions is because that is the quickest and most efficient way to get what they want from you—and to maintain that relationship for the long run.
The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board.
Tyrannical Victim Narcissistic Personality
This type is focused on making others feel bad so they can look better to themselves and those around them. They are always the ones who have been wronged in some way or another by other people. This makes it impossible for them to be held accountable for their own actions.