Narcissistic parents want their child's performance to reflect on them. The reasons for this are complex. Parents may be trying to compensate for what they believe are their own shortcomings. They may rely on their child's success to bolster themselves up.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
When it comes to the threat of losing contact with or access to their adult children, narcissists may resort to threats of disinheritance, cut-offs from other family members, and, in some cases, legal actions to maintain access to grandchildren.
Though they may not show it, deep down the narcissistic parent does care about you. Under that hard exterior is a highly sensitive individual that needs compassion and empathy from you.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
They play favorites.
They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family. This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Narcissistic parents may compulsively undercut their children, both intentionally and collaterally. Adultifying, infantilizing, and gaslighting are just a few of the common forms of sabotage narcissistic parents may engage in.
They Triangulate and Alienate Family Members
Narcissists need to cling to their children for the purpose the child serves to support the narcissist's ego and sense of self; they will find ways to alienate the other parent from the child. This is a form of emotional abuse of both the child and the other parent.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
“You are overreacting.” “No one will ever love you with that attitude.” “You have an awful personality and can never do anything right.” “Everyone agrees that you're probably the worst person to go out with.”
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
The psychological effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter can be long-lasting. The daughter may struggle with trust issues, abandonment issues, and self-esteem issues. She may also find it difficult to form healthy relationships due to the emotional manipulation she experienced from her mother.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
It's quite likely that a narcissistic parent will try to manipulate the situation to avoid any shame on themselves for your no contact. They might: tell lies about you and the reason you're not in contact. try to make themselves out as the victim of the situation.
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
Rage: Narcissists are insecure and when there is a narcissistic injury to their sense of self, they will rage. This is often done with yelling and insults hurled at the victim. During these rages, the narcissist can be the most damaging in their words.
Silent Treatment Narcissists punish by ignoring. Then they let their victim off the hook by demanding an apology even though she isnt to blame. This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.
Take a deep breath, for you are about to plunge into the murky depths of a complex psychiatric condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD.
Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
The Golden Child is greatly valued by their narcissistic parent for a variety of reasons–these form a heavy load for the child to carry. Within the dysfunctional family, the golden child learns early on that their role is to please their parent and live out their parent's own unfulfilled ambitions.
The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood. Scapegoating reflects the narcissistic parent's own emotional disturbance – NOT the child's.