Romantic chemistry focuses on characteristics present between two people, including mutual interests, similarity, and intimacy. According to Kelly Campbell, P.h.D., the more present these characteristics are, the more likely two individuals will perceive chemistry between each other.
We can build chemistry by laughter and shared values, someone who speaks our love language and makes us feel seen, heard and understood. This might explain why the experience of having chemistry with someone can feel so good. Excitement meets craving more time spent with that person.
Intense chemistry is never one-sided
Just as when you immediately like someone and they like you back, in a class, as a friend — chemistry works the same way. It is guided by neurochemicals in our brain that evolutionarily helps us select the best mating partner and partners for survival.
It can come in the form of a physical, emotional, or even intellectual bond. Scientists believe that chemistry is a result of the chemicals in your brain determining compatibility." Most of us have felt it, but usually we aren't aware of where this insane feeling is coming from.
Mutual interests. One of the major causes of chemistry in relationships is that both people share mutual interests, especially for the things that matter to them. The result of this is that they can spend time together, and every time they do so, they have a ton of activities to keep busy.
Chemistry has also been used to describe lust, but for the purpose of this article, chemistry in this context refers to mutual romantic interest and compatibility—two potentially very important components of a lasting relationship. "Chemistry happens when various factors converge at the right time," Campbell explains.
Sometimes instant chemistry is actually a red flag, not a green light. Our subconscious is very good at detecting people who feel like 'home' - those who can wound us in a familiar way. We can confuse the intense energy as love when it's anxiety and an activated nervous system.
The chemistry between people can be seen in body language or subtle ways, such as eye contact, flirting, banter, constant focus, and losing track of time. If you have chemistry with someone, you can often feel it in your gut.
Chemistry can be related to liking, but it's broader than that: It encompasses the feeling that a given relationship is special and different from other relationships.
When you have chemistry with someone, you don't need to force anything — including awkward small talk. You can sit together in silence and not feel weird about it. “Instead, you may feel a sense of comfort knowing they're with you, no matter what you're doing,” Hafeez says.
It's oftentimes noted that good chemists have particular personality traits in common; these include being analytical, task oriented, and experiential.
Good looks, ambition, and a good sense of humor are common qualities that people seek out. But there are other factors you're likely unaware of that play an important part in who you're attracted to. Past experiences, proximity, and biology all have a role in determining who catches our attention and who doesn't.
Although the word "chemistry," referring to a romantic and sexual spark, is not an official, scientific term, the phenomenon is indeed backed by science.
Dr. Harville Hendrix explains that the “chemistry” you feel upon love at first sight may be a signal from your unconscious mind that is seeking to relive childhood trauma from a position of control.
Good chemistry can happen between a romantic partner and someone you just really click with. When it's a romantic partner, it's sexual. It feels magnetic, likes there's static or sparks in the air. You get goosebumps or a tingly warm feeling.
Three dates is a good rule of thumb.
This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up.
Watch for Their Eye Gaze
Like touch, eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin. When someone is attracted to you, they subconsciously will try engaging in lots of mutual eye contact. They do this to feel closer to you, and because they are interested in you and what you are saying.
High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction. These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in love” that you can't eat and can't sleep.
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
So yes, chemistry can be one-sided, and it is up to you to pinpoint the patterns in your life so that you can set yourself up for meeting the right person with whom you can build something solid.
One of the most difficult concepts in chemistry for students to grasp is that the entirety of the course is based on the behavior of matter. We talk about matter typically at the molecular or atomic level not seen without advanced equipment.