Overwhelm and Emotional Baggage Low self-esteem isn't the only thing that can drag people down and cause them to lash out at others. Mean people are usually dealing with a truckload of emotional baggage and might feel overwhelmed by it and by the weight of their personal problems, whatever they may be: Trouble at work.
Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem.
Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others.
So…why are people mean? Because people act out their anger instead of first experiencing it internally. They react from the primary impulse of the anger, which always wants to be mean and aggressive. You do not need to be in therapy to work on your anger.
A sudden onset of aggressive behavior can be caused by many different substances, including drugs and alcohol, as well as age-related dementias like Alzheimer's. Individuals may be more aggressive if they have a sudden onset of a psychological condition like schizophrenia or a long term lack of sleep.
“Behavior is learned, and so it can also be unlearned. This implies that change is more than possible — it's actually likely.” When a hurtful behavior is associated with a mental health condition, though, professional support may be needed for people to change.
Why are people mean to nice people in particular? Good question. For the most part, it comes down to jealousy. People who are deliberately mean are so lacking in their own self-worth that they're jealous of anyone who can simply smile and be happy.
Why Am I So Mean For No Reason? There are various reasons why you may feel that you're engaging in mean or rude behavior, even if they're not immediately apparent to you. For example, an underlying mental health condition, a lack of social skills, cultural differences, or low self-esteem could all be potential causes.
It may be because of emotional baggage, the desire to assert control or independence, to test boundaries, or simply, because people may just expect a lot from the other. Some may have a fear of intimacy, due to cultural upbringing, or because of living through traumatic or abusive relationships.
Being mean involves “purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).” Unlike unthinking rudeness, “mean behavior very much aims to hurt or depreciate someone.
As a general rule of thumb, a person is likely to be disliked if they are overwhelmingly negative, put others down or have no interest in their peers. Social anxiety can also be a concern; a person who thinks little of their own social aptitude may appear unlikable to others.
In other words, a person can theoretically be mean without being a psychopath. Moreover, it's possible to be high on meanness and show signs of other personality disorders, particularly those that share some features with antisocial personality disorder (characterized by psychopathy).
Sometimes we are unkind because we are defending the ego, such as when insults are traded in an argument, and are mentally unable to cope with the situation. Unkindness in such situations is often used to deliberately push the other person away as their presence is causing distress of some kind.
There can be many root causes for rudeness, such as insecurity or fear. People are often rude after being on the receiving end of rudeness. Researchers have found that “just like the common cold, common negative behaviors can spread easily and have significant consequences.” In other words… Rude is contagious!
They may simply be so self-absorbed that they are unaware of others, motivated to meet their own needs, and just oblivious even when it is at the expense of others. They may unwittingly say or do something hurtful, push their way in front of others, or disregard normal social behavior. Others may be more calculating.
If someone is being mean to you then it could be a way to gain control and power over a situation or you. This is often a ruse to show social control and dominance. For many, it is a coping mechanism, and reacting aggressively and saying mean things gives them some semblance of control.
People with toxic traits know they have them
But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
What I call meanness is more officially known as the “Dark Triad” of personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. A recent study shows that people who exhibit these traits are better than people who score lower on the Dark Triad at making themselves appear more attractive.
A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
Things You Should Know
Be assertive but respectful to stop teasing from going any further. Take care of yourself and manage stress. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes.