A dismissive-avoidant person cannot form supportive relationships. They are not comfortable providing support to friends or romantic partners and they feel less obligated to do so. Their view of those who seek support is that they are dependent, weak, emotionally unstable, and immature.
At first, it can seem like staying away from emotionality is protective, since no conflict or difficult emotions have to be dealt with. However, every human needs connection with other people in some form or another, so continuing on a dismissive-avoidant path can cause toxicity for all parties in the relationship.
A dismissive-avoidant will shut down when approached with inconsistent communication. Over time a Dismissive-avoidant will stop trying to bridge the gap in emotional connection and slowly give up on the relationship.
Dismissive-Avoidant Emotional Abuse
Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are more likely to instigate such abuse. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of closeness that they avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others or be reliant on others.
Much like the anxious attachment style, the avoidant attachment style is often due to early childhood experiences. Trauma that could cause avoidant attachment includes neglect. This can explain why they fear getting too close to others. Or, why they feel they have to be so independent.
So, those studies that find correlations between dismissing attachment and narcissism report results from people who, for the most part, do not have dismissing attachment styles and are not narcissists.
A dismissive-avoidant person cannot form supportive relationships. They are not comfortable providing support to friends or romantic partners and they feel less obligated to do so. Their view of those who seek support is that they are dependent, weak, emotionally unstable, and immature.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
There are a few signs to know if an avoidant-dismissive person likes you. They will spend more time together with you though they may not reveal their emotions, or feel deeply. They may discourage you or move away when you share any negative emotions rather than inquire what they are really about.
For this reason, and the fact that they find emotional closeness difficult, avoidant adults may be more likely to have a lot of friends rather than a few close ones. Avoidant attachers are often the life and soul of the party due to their elevated confidence and high self-esteem.
Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are. They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.
What is this? Fearful avoidant individuals have low self-esteem and high levels of anxiety. They believe that they are not lovable. Dismissive avoidant individuals have high self-esteem and low levels of anxiety.
The Dismissive-Avoidant is afraid of, and can't tolerate true intimacy. They were raised to not depend on anyone, or reveal any feelings, so their first instinct when someone gets close to them is to run away.
Those who suffer with Avoidant Personality Disorder frequently use manipulation to get their needs met. Perfectionism; nothing is good enough, the standard is set unrealistically high for themselves and often for others.
Fearful-Avoidant with Dismissive-Avoidant: Yellow light
That said, a fearful-avoidant individual and dismissive-avoidant individual can create a positive, hard-won connection when both are doing their inner work.
People with avoidant attachment styles may not have great role models for how to have difficult conversations and resolve differences. So they avoid it altogether. They may have a pattern of ghosting when conflicts come up, holding grudges that they never bring up, or ending relationships.
"Avoidant types often think someone is out to get them, including their partner. So, they hide aspects of their lives that make them feel vulnerable. They may create an invisible web of hidden people, facts, and histories, along with little white lies that often seem ridiculous or unnecessary.
Despite popular opinion, it's entirely possible to have a satisfying, fulfilling relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style. Although we stated earlier that attachment styles are stable, they are not a life sentence. Your avoidant partner can become more secure in their actions.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style. It is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.
This post is focusing on the avoidant/dismissive attachment style (the hightailers), which is characterized by a strong need for independence and self-sufficiency. While the need for connection and belonging is universal, avoidant individuals suppress their need for intimate attachment.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
Avoidant personality disorder is part of a group of personality disorders that can have a negative effect on your life. If you have avoidant personality disorder, you may be extremely shy, unlikely to speak up in a group, have trouble in school or relationships, have low self-esteem, and be very sensitive to criticism.
People with a fearful avoidant attachment style have low self-esteem and elevated anxiety. They will be extremely hard on themselves and think that their inability to form close bonds is due to their own worthlessness or unattractiveness.