A covert or introverted narcissist lacks empathy and is hypersensitive to criticism but does not display the outward sense of self-importance found in overt narcissists. Covert narcissists lack confidence and often feel entitled, envious, anxious, depressed, and bitter.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Some of the most common weird things covert narcissists do to manipulate their victims include: hoovering, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love bombing etc.
While overt narcissists believe they're the best and brag about their achievements, covert narcissists have terrible self-esteem. They're so insecure that they're constantly comparing themselves to others, which leads to extreme feelings of inadequacy as well as severe social anxiety.
So do covert narcissists know what they are doing? While they may be aware on some level that their behaviors have a negative impact on other people, narcissists also tend to lack self-awareness and insight.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Covert narcissists are often highly sensitive and may have low self-esteem, which may lead them to seek frequent validation from others. Those with covert narcissism also tend to be highly sensitive to criticism and may be more likely to internalize it due to their fragile sense of self.
People with covert narcissism are likely to experience depression, anxiety, and symptoms of other personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder.
Once challenged, or worse, exposed for the fraud they might be, a narcissist can really fly off the handle. They regard challenging or exposure as the ultimate insult for them. It's embarrassing for others to see the truth. This sparks their rage.
Instead of engaging with people like the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist chooses to be alone because no one can live up to their high expectations.
Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness. These emotions, however, don't often have roots in empathy.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.
People with narcissism tend not to like seeing other people happy. When they see you happy, the best thing you can do is to stay firm on your boundaries, focus on the present and what makes you happy, and avoid getting into arguments. They might try to hurt you to disrupt your peace and justify their actions.
More specifically though, the Three Faces of Narcissism consist of three variations on the narcissist theme: 1) Prosocial Narcissism (charitable, albeit sublime), 2) Asocial Narcissism (lack of consideration of others), and 3) Antisocial Narcissism (malevolent actions against others).
For a narcissist to be happy, you'll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you'll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity.
Covert narcissists may be more likely to engage in aggressive behaviors because of their tendency to interiorize their pain and resentment. This could lead them to act out suddenly and unexpectedly in some situations.
The Covert Narcissist's Abusive Behaviors
These self-serving tactics can include gaslighting and distorting reality; manipulations to get what they want; showing contempt and giving the silent treatment; dominating and controlling their partner; and belittling and humiliating verbally and emotionally.
Wives of covert narcissist husbands often end up feeling “done to” before these same wives gradually withdraw sexually. He'll then resent you for your lack of sexual interest, despite his showing no genuine interest. Your “disinterest” in “pleasing him sexually” is a constant insult he must endure.
The covert narcissist has a victim mentality and they believe that whatever struggle they are experiencing is unique and special. They are always more stressed, more misunderstood and having to deal with more problems than anyone else.
Another common trait of closet narcissists is their quiet, self-centeredness. Although most introverts are good listeners and are capable of contributing to a conversation equally, you'll find that people high in covert narcissism are often derisive, poor listeners.
In the case of covert narcissistic abuse, this might manifest as behavior or speech designed to lead, guide, and twist the words and actions of those around them to fit the narrative they have created. For example, they may put themselves down to manipulate others into complimenting them.