The four behaviours are Blaming, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Relationship expert Dr John Gottman termed these "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" as they spell disaster for any personal or professional relationship.
In relationship terms, The Four Horsemen are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Let's look at each of these and what you can do about them. Criticism refers to attacking or putting down your partner's personality or character rather than his or her behaviour itself.
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.
According to couples therapist Dr. John Gottman, the Four Horsemen, behavioral predictors of divorce or break-up, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Their destructive nature earned them the name and reference to christian religion: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
What are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? The Four Horsemen are four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce, according to research by psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph. D. Those four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm and condescension are forms of contempt. So are hostile humor, name-calling, mimicking, and body language such as eye-rolling and sneering.
1 thing that 'destroys' relationships, say researchers who studied couples for 50 years. As a psychologist and sexologist, we've been studying relationships for more than 50 years combined, and we've found that no matter how you slice it, most of them fail because of poor communication.
These are the four horsemen—damaging behaviors that escalate conflict and erode a relationship. If left unchecked, the four horsemen solidify themselves in a relationship as a normal part of communication. Antidotes are communication skills, relaxation techniques, and other strategies that counteract the four horsemen.
Known as 'The Four Horsemen', these are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. All couples are likely to engage in these communication styles at some point. However, if consistently experienced, these counterproductive behaviours can have a very negative impact on your relationship.
About Contempt
It can take the form of verbal or non-verbal language, which can include sarcasm, mockery, and facial gestures. Often, partners are unaware of what they said or did, especially contemptuous gestures like an eye roll or chuckle that elicited their partner's wrath.
People doing contempt think that they are expressing emotions—but they aren't. They are certainly feeling emotions, but contempt is expressing (negative) judgments, which your partner will resent. So the key antidote to contempt is expressing your feelings and longings—and expressing them well.
They lack empathy.
As Campbell explains, it's toxic when someone can't empathize with you for better or worse, especially if they hurt you in some way and cannot find it in themselves to empathize with you, instead taking your hurt feelings as a personal affront to them.
Some of the signs of a toxic person include: Toxic individuals constantly belittle their partner, for example, by making fun of them in front of others or dismissing their ideas, thoughts, and desires as stupid or silly. Another common trait frequently seen in toxic marriages is anger.
A poll of 2,000 people found they typically spend a fifth of the day feeling annoyed at their partner because of snoring, passing wind, loudness, messiness and rudeness. Other top gripes include never listening, talking through TV shows and being bad with money.
The most common reasons people break up usually involve a lack of emotional intimacy, sexual incompatibility, differences in life goals, and poor communication and conflict resolution skills. There are no wrong or good reasons to break up. However, some things in a relationship are just outrightly unacceptable.
Using Power and Control. This is by far the most destructive force any human can bring to a marital relationship, and obviously includes the use of physical and sexual abuse or violence.
The Top 3 Relationship Killers No One Wants to Talk About ? Money, poor communication and infidelity. The Angry Therapist told me so. 'Whether you're dating, partnered, or have been married for 20 years, these topics can be tough to talk about at any stage of any relationship.
Contempt. The article I read identified contempt as being the “kiss of death” in marriage and relationships. I think of contempt as being a more intense form of criticism. Contempt involves making threats, name calling and insults, and just downright treating your spouse or partner with hurt and meanness.
Disrespect in a relationship can take many forms, but it is essentially a lack of respect for another person. When disrespect occurs in a relationship, one partner no longer has consideration for the other partner. Disloyalty is a form of disrespect where the person in the relationship betrays the other person's trust.