In any long-term relationship, there are going to be difficult conversations—the times when you feel polarized about an issue, when your partner's point of view threatens yours, when you feel defensive, angry, or frightened of what they are bringing up or when your point of view has changed.
So take them in the spirit in which they are offered, which is a lens to think about your own relationship. This blog is the first of a series on the 5 C's which are Chemistry, Commonality, Constructive Conflict, Courtesy and Commitment.
Although relationships tend to differ from couple to couple, the trademark of any healthy romantic partnership comes in the form of five specific pillars on which everything else must be built, namely: love, trust, communication, intimacy, and integrity.
According to Douglas Stone in his book Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most, difficult conversations are actually three different conversations in one:
Stonewalling, one of the Four Horsemen, is Dr. John Gottman's term for one or both partners shutting down when feeling overwhelmed during conflict. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be unresponsive, making evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, or acting busy.
Deepak Chopra's Three “A”s. Why Attention, Appreciation and Affection are so important in a loving relationship. Neuroscience shows positive outcomes for couples.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg's theory describes types of love based on three different scales: intimacy, passion, and commitment. It is important to recognize that a relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or more.
What are the three elements of a crucial conversation?
Crucial conversations involve 3 key components: high stakes, differing views, and strong emotions. They may not involve big issues, but their outcomes can affect the quality of our lives.
You need the 4 C's: Communication, Collaboration, Consideration, and Compatibility. Yet as with many things that are simple, they're not always easy! Let's look at how they work to help build a relationship.
Of all human bonds, the maternal bond (mother–infant relationship) is one of the strongest. The maternal bond begins to develop during pregnancy; following pregnancy, the production of oxytocin during lactation increases parasympathetic activity, thus reducing anxiety and theoretically fostering bonding.
While not every relationship goes through the 6 stages, it is more common that they do — euphoric stage, early attachment, crisis, disillusionment, decision, and wholehearted love. Everything seems perfect in the first two stages, and the couple develops an adoration for each other.
Our golden rule for couples is: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Instead of treating our partner as we would like to be treated, we need to treat them as they want to be treated. This is harder than it seems, for at least three reasons.
