People who fear abandonment often have trust issues and may be suspicious or jealous. Some might struggle with codependency, while others may pull away or sabotage their relationships.
Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting. Each of these stages relate to different aspects of human functioning and trigger different emotional responses. The first letter of each of these words spell SWIRL, a great description of the cyclonic nature of the intensity of healing abandonment.
A parent leaving another parent in divorce might create abandonment issues. Relationships ending, friendships ending, people leaving, going away long term, being forgotten in a store, being ignored or neglected- many different life circumstances can create the issue of abandonment in the mind.
Common signs of abandonment issues include: Giving too much or being overly eager to please. Jealousy in your relationship or of others. Trouble trusting your partner's intentions.
If your feelings are hurt, you feel betrayed, abandoned, or rejected, and your partner doesnt care or minimizes them, thats a red flag.
Signs of emotional abandonment.
When you want to talk about something, your partner places the blame on you and pulls away from you rather than communicating their genuine feelings. You regularly experience your partner withholding affection, approval, or attention from you.
Abandonment trauma, also known as PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) of abandonment, is caused by experiences that make us feel unsafe, insecure, and alone as children. The emotional distress that stems from this type of trauma can persist throughout the lifespan and lead to many health complications.
Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment
In relationships, people with a fear of abandonment tend to: Attach quickly—even to unavailable partners or relationships. Fail to fully commit and have had very few long-term relationships. Move on quickly just to ensure that you don't get too attached.
Abandonment issues can be hard to overcome, even with a supportive partner. Don't take your partner's fears personally, and try to refrain from telling them they're being irrational. Instead, gently encourage them to open up about their fears so that you can both work to build a healthier relationship.
Symptoms of Abandonment Issues in Adults or Adulthood
Extreme jealousy or clingy behavior in a romantic relationship. Pretend they don't care about a spouse when they do. Rejection of a partner before they can be rejected. Avoid getting close to others.
Attachment styles are developed during infancy and early childhood, and an insecure attachment style can lead to a fear of abandonment in adulthood. Abandonment issues may be caused by childhood abuse, neglect, or environmental stressors, such as growing up in poverty or living in a dangerous area.
Abandonment issues is an informal term that describes a strong fear of losing loved ones or of them leaving a relationship. This fear can result from trauma, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.
PTSD from abandonment trauma can leave people feeling anxious and worried about their own physical and emotional safety.
Often, it's a response learned early in life.
Many self-sabotaging cycles are trauma responses and patterns learned earlier in life as self-preservation. A fear of abandonment is really a fear of intimacy and connection.
S.W.I.R.L. is an acronym which stands for the five stages of abandonment: Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting – introduced in JOURNEY FROM ABANDONMENT.
Abandonment issues are intense fears of losing connection with someone you care about. These anxieties originated from experiences that left you feeling like you could not count on others to take care of you or be there for you in the way you needed. You were left to fend for yourself.
It can leave them in an agitated state, sometimes severely so. They'll search for answers that aren't there, blaming themselves and fixating on the abandonment.
While it might not seem fair, dating someone with abandonment issues might mean that you have to tell them over and over again that you aren't leaving. Be prepared to argue with her perceptions, and don't take it personally if she keeps asking you when you're going to abandon her.
There is no set, uniform time it takes to recover from abandonment. Turning your focus from what you have lost to what you still have can be helpful. Developing an appreciation for life that leads to happiness requires work, but it is possible.