Here are some common characteristics of individuals with dismissive-avoidant attachment: A preference for solitude and independence. Difficulty with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. A tendency to dismiss or minimize the importance of relationships. A lack of interest in others' emotions or feelings.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Dismissive-Avoidant Emotional Abuse
Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are more likely to instigate such abuse. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of closeness that they avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others or be reliant on others.
Because they're inherently uncomfortable with vulnerability, someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style may judge other people who are overly demonstrative of their affection and emotions. "Their low opinion of people creates a general distrust of others," Macaluso says.
Toxic relationships often involve a partner with an anxious attachment style and a partner with an avoidant attachment style. The anxious partner may be codependent, and the avoidant partner may have narcissistic tendencies, although that's not always the case.
Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them.
The dismissive-avoidant attachment style itself is not inherently toxic, but it can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns. People with this attachment style may struggle with emotional intimacy and have a tendency to prioritize their independence over their relationships.
When a dismissive-avoidant feels an expectation placed upon them, they can feel incapable. We all have needs and boundaries. If either makes a dismissive-avoidant feel like they are due to their “weaknesses,” they can shut down quickly.
Often there are no clues before they dump you. They won't have had the hard conversations. The Dismissive-Avoidant is afraid of, and can't tolerate true intimacy. They were raised to not depend on anyone, or reveal any feelings, so their first instinct when someone gets close to them is to run away.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
Dismissive/Avoidant Attachment is also known as Insecure/Avoidant Attachment. This attachment style often occurs as a result of neglect from our caregivers. A person with this attachment style will avoid intimacy and closeness to preserve their sense of independence.
Trauma that could cause avoidant attachment includes neglect. This can explain why they fear getting too close to others. Or, why they feel they have to be so independent. This doesn't mean that they cannot learn to become more dependent on others.
In an argument, partners with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style might hide or suppress their feelings to avoid sharing or becoming emotionally tangled with another person.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
And such actions that hold space can be so important for avoidants they will lash out and punish anyone who directly challenges untruths. "Avoidant types often think someone is out to get them, including their partner. So, they hide aspects of their lives that make them feel vulnerable.
Suppressing emotions: Dismissive avoidant people tend to conceal their feelings. In addition to hiding feelings or emotions from others, they may struggle to understand their feelings. Difficulty trusting others: A general distrust of others is common in people living with this attachment style.
People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style do not want to rely on anyone, and in turn, do not want anyone relying on them. They value their freedom highly, believing that they function at their best by themselves. They have no need for support or reassurance, so they may seem very confident.
Dismissive avoidant attachment style
As a result, they learn that even under stress they cannot seek comfort from caregivers and instead avoid them. Adults with the dismissive-avoidant style are distinctively cold. They have a negative view of others and avoid closeness with relationship partners.
A dismissive avoidant attachment style in adulthood is one of the insecure attachment styles characterized by the lack of desire for emotional connection with others. While they distrust others, they have high self-esteem and see themselves in a positive light.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
They avoid being intimate and vulnerable and push away those who get too close. Dismissive-avoidants typically have few close friends; they do not want to depend on others, and they do not want to be depended upon. There is a lack of commitment due to being extremely self-reliant.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
So they often try to keep people at a distance for as long as they can out of reluctance to take things to a deeper level. This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love.
For this reason, and the fact that they find emotional closeness difficult, avoidant adults may be more likely to have a lot of friends rather than a few close ones. Avoidant attachers are often the life and soul of the party due to their elevated confidence and high self-esteem.
For instance, individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often worry about abandonment, fueling their overthinking tendencies. On the other hand, those with a dismissive-avoidant style may overthink as a way to maintain emotional distance.
Those who suffer with Avoidant Personality Disorder frequently use manipulation to get their needs met. Perfectionism; nothing is good enough, the standard is set unrealistically high for themselves and often for others.