The simple answer is “No.” If your intention is to get a narcissist to look at their own behavior (by telling them they are a narcissist), you will not receive the results you desire. Narcissists are incredibly insecure and suffer from low self-esteem underneath their bravado.
So when they encounter a piece of information about narcissism they immediately might feel exposed, ashamed, betrayed, or attacked. Moreover, they often take things very personally and think that everything is about them. So they might feel that the author is talking about them personally or calling them out.
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and licensed therapist, wants anyone who is in a narcissistic relationship to stop saying one phrase: "You make me feel." It's a way of expressing yourself that has many permutations, like 'when you say that, you make me feel guilty,' or 'when you do that, you make me feel angry.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
Calling out the narcissist really has no benefit. They won't start to acknowledge their wrongs and make efforts to change. By calling them out, you just open yourself up to more abuse from the narcissist. This might be hard to hear because this means you are left with no way to be heard for how you are being treated.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. They probably want to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled. They want to be in control and will go to any length to keep feeling empowered. It's critical to understand that a narcissist will not leave you alone the first time you ignore them.
Engaging in any type of explanation of your decisions or actions is not effective with the narcissist. He or she is not capable of trying to see any other perspective than the one they hold to be true. They are incapable of seeing their own bad behaviors, and it is simply easier to blame you.
The most effective weapon to fend off narcissists is self-love. When you love yourself, it is more difficult for the narcissist to manipulate you and get under your skin. It will hurt them to know that you do not need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
If there's one thing narcissists hate, it's being told what to do. When you push them into a situation where they have to answer to someone else, it's like their own personal hell. Figure out a way where you can get the narcissist in your life to be underneath an authority figure to really watch them squirm.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
Your tears also put the spotlight on you, which is unacceptable for a narcissist. Another reason your tears may anger the narcissist is the fact that they may feel controlled by your tears. After all, they often use their own tears to manipulate and control others.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
Someone who is highly empathic might be drawn to narcissists, and vice versa, as narcissists rely on being the sole focus of their partner's attention.