According to a blog post on Psychology Today by Elinor Greenberg Ph. D.; however, you can almost never be actually happy in a relationship with one. “Once past the courtship stage, all the relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder include some form of abuse and a great deal of tension.
Being married to a narcissist can result in low self-esteem; diminished healthy connections with others; restricted access to resources needed to leave the relationship; and mental health struggles as a result of the narcissistic abuse endured.
Narcissists simply do not make good partners. You may hold on to the fantasy that if you shore them up enough, they will eventually get around to taking care of you, too. Unfortunately, more often than not, this won't be the case.
Here's when to break up with a narcissist: You're being physically abused. You're being sexual abused or coerced. Your partner is constantly monitoring you.
Choosing To Stay With A Narcissist
Dr. Durvasula: There are so many reasons why people can't leave narcissistic relationships. Financial reasons, cultural reasons, they have children, religion, fear, anxiety, and that they still actually love the elements of this person, they want to be married.
Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
Fear of being alone – Narcissists are skilled at destroying their partner's social circles and relationships with family members. The prospect of leaving may equate to a feeling of being truly alone; Fear of reprisals – The narcissist may have created a culture of fear and anxiety in their partner's life.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
A narcissist will avoid divorce because they will have to let go of the person they think they have full control over. They feel entitled to something other than what's best for everyone. When they hear compromise, they think “unfair”. They don't know the middle road, they don't accept concessions.
The major finding of this study suggests that marriage to a narcissist worsens over time.
It's certainly possible to have a relationship with a narcissist, but it's going to be emotionally and psychologically exhausting. Narcissists drain all the life and spirit from their partner, using them as an emotional — and sometimes literal — punching bag.
Living with a narcissist may feel difficult, but it's possible to preserve your well-being with strong boundaries, a solid support network, and a therapist who's informed on narcissism. You may also find it useful to attend a National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family support group in your area.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
A narcissistic husband might make you feel as if you are not good enough. He might put you down, or you may feel that you no longer have time or energy for things you once enjoyed or were passionate about. It is common for people married to a narcissist to feel down and fatigued.
A narcissist will expect to get special treatment and to be able to control everything in the divorce, even the judge. They also don't like to lose, so they will file motions and fight hard to win, even over trivial matters that aren't worth the attorney fees.
Divorcing a narcissist may not be easy, but staying in a toxic marriage could do more harm. Seeking legal advice is one of the best ways you can prepare to divorce a narcissistic spouse. A narcissist can wear you down emotionally and mentally.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures.
When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general, and about your dynamic (poor communication, different values, etc.), rather than identifying your spouse as the problem. Stick to your guns. Once you announce your decision, don't waffle. Ambivalence will confuse and aggravate the narcissist.
Everything is solely about them. However, a narcissist can change after marriage, and with the right approach and learning the effective ways to deal with it, you can make your bond with your narcissistic partner happy and healthy.
Now it's time to tell the narcissist you want a divorce. Make sure you can do so safely, without risk of emotional or physical harm. Inform your spouse through your lawyer or a trusted friend or relative. If you choose to notify them of your intentions in person, do it in a public place.
It's hard to let go of a narcissit because of the illusion they created that feeds into your hope to be loved. Many abused partners of narcissists seek individual counselling to rebuild their lives and strengthen their own 'self', to become clearer about the direction they need to take.