Deciding to leave a partner with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) depends on the relationship's health, particularly if it involves abuse (physical, emotional, manipulation) or if your partner refuses treatment, making your safety and well-being paramount. While BPD relationships are challenging and require immense effort, professional help (couples counseling, individual therapy) can sometimes make them work, but you must prioritize your own care, set firm boundaries, and recognize when the relationship becomes toxic or unsustainable.
If you or your partner has BPD, it is possible to have a fulfilling relationship, although you will have more challenges than the average couple. Couples counseling and individual counseling can greatly improve your chances of being in the relationship that you want.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
A profound fear of abandonment often characterizes BPD. In a marriage, this might lead to intense jealousy, frequent need for reassurance, or overreaction to perceived signs of rejection or distance.
Do people with BPD ever look back, and regret/acknowledge, the loss of a quality partner, due to their BPD symptoms? If we are fortunate enough to have a “quality” partner and then lose them, yes we feel profound regret about it.
Enable the person with BPD by protecting them from the consequences of their actions. If your loved one won't respect your boundaries and continues to make you feel unsafe, then you may need to leave. It doesn't mean you don't love them, but your self-care should always take priority.
Individuals with symptoms of BPD and NPD resist apologizing to others. It is very common for them to either argue with you, if you attempt to get them to apologize, or offer an ingenuine apology, without changing future behavior.
For the partners of people with BPD, deciding to leave their partner can be a difficult choice. However, if the individual with BPD is making self-destructive decisions, it could be the only practical choice.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Some couples stay together for years, while others find the relationship too volatile to sustain. The BPD relationship cycle is a recurring sequence of emotional highs and lows that can repeat many times unless both partners seek support.
Do not tell people with BPD how they should be feeling or behaving. Anger in people with BPD may represent one side of their feelings which can rapidly reverse so keeping this point in mind can help avoid taking the anger personally.
People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
Focus on self-improvement. Focusing on self-improvement can help someone with BPD shift their focus from the favorite person to improving themselves. This can include setting goals, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby. The key is to find activities that promote self-growth and increase self-esteem.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
Every person is different, but here are some of the most common triggers for people with BPD:
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
Clinicians can be reluctant to make a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD). One reason is that BPD is a complex syndrome with symptoms that overlap many Axis I disorders. This paper will examine interfaces between BPD and depression, between BPD and bipolar disorder, and between BPD and psychoses.
Jobs that draw on empathy, communication, and understanding, traits often strengthened by lived experience with BPD, can also be deeply rewarding. Examples include: Teaching assistant or education support worker. Counsellor, peer support, or mental health worker.
Because many individuals with BPD have difficulties managing their emotions, their relationships tend to be chaotic and intense. Nevertheless, despite their difficulties, persons with BPD frequently have a great deal of love to give.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.