And the fact is, a trauma bond will not transform into a healthy relationship, no matter how much the person being abused hopes so or tries to fix it. “It's often mistaken for love,” Wilform says. “But love doesn't consist of you having to be in a cycle of being mentally diminished or physically hurt.”
A trauma bond is a psychological response that happens when an abused person develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. Trauma bonds can occur in any situation where one person is exploiting another and are not limited to romantic relationships¹.
Signs of trauma bonding
agree with the abusive person's reasons for treating them badly. try to cover for the abusive person. argue with or distance themselves from people trying to help, such as friends, family members, or neighbors.
Breaking a trauma bond starts with identifying the 7 stages of trauma bonding, which encompasses gaslighting, love bombing, emotional addiction, criticism, loss of self, trust and dependency, and resigning to control. It is important to understand how these stages develop in a toxic and abusive relationship.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
"A trauma bond occurs when your partner intentionally harms you through a pattern of threats, intimidation, manipulation, deceit, or betrayal so they have power and control," she says. "You stay loyal to your violating partner despite feelings of fear, emotional pain, and distress."
Narcissists do feel the trauma bond, but not in the same way that the people that they abuse feel it. A trauma bond makes narcissists feel remarkably well because the dynamics of a trauma bonded relationship are designed to help them regulate the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they've suppressed.
Trauma bonds are hard to break because the cycle of abuse that causes them floods the victim's brain with dopamine, causing them to develop an addiction for the relationship and because abusers often victimize themselves to make the victim doubtful, guilty, and ashamed for attempting to break the trauma bond.
Breaking a trauma bond can create similar effects to withdrawing from drugs and alcohol. The pain of separating oneself from a toxic relationship can be overwhelming. Some might even say that trauma bonds are the drugs that make abuse feel like love.
This bond can be responsible for keeping a trauma survivor in a toxic, and sometimes potentially fatal, relationship with their abuser. Counseling with a trauma-informed therapist can help the survivor break the trauma bond. Healing from trauma and abuse is not something you have to do alone.
Some long-term impacts of trauma bonding include remaining in abusive relationships, having adverse mental health outcomes like low self-esteem, negative self image, and increased likelihood of depression and bipolar disorder, and perpetuating a generational cycle of abuse.
Trauma bonding is a bond that develops when two people undergo intense, risky emotional experiences together. In the context of an abusive relationship, this bond is strengthened due to the heightenedintimacy and danger.
In a Toxic or emotionally abusive relationship, there is a BONDING that happens, during the CYCLE OF ABUSE. A bonding takes place in most relationships, but this is one-sided, and is Trauma bonding.
In a trauma bond, you might: justify abusive behavior, for example: “they're only yelling at me because they are tired” cover for your abuser. tolerate abuse to please them.
Trauma Bonds Create Chemical Warfare in our Brains
Reuniting and the love-bombing that follows then floods our systems with dopamine. Dopamine and oxytocin together strengthen our bond even more and ease our fear and anxiety. We feel loved.
Trauma dumping is defined as unloading traumatic experiences on others without warning or invitation. It's often done to seek validation, attention, or sympathy. While some initial relief may come from dumping your trauma onto someone else, the habit actually does more harm than good.
Trauma bonding occurs when a person involved in a toxic or abusive relationship forms a strong bond with, and often idealizes, their abuser. This emotional connection with an abuser is an unconscious way of coping with trauma or abuse.
One of the ways a trauma bond thrives is through intensity and conflict. So one of the ways to dampen the bond is to stop your side of the battle. Stop the blame. Start noticing each time you say 'you make me feel this when you do that'. Replace 'you' sentences by making them 'I' ones which stops the blame.
Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.