They need constant reassurance This isn't inherently a red flag as long as they seek out therapy, communicate their needs without overriding your own and respect your boundaries. You shouldn't be responsible for saving your partner in every situation.
Although reassurance is an essential part of healthy relationships, relying on constant reassurance is a red flag. If your partner needs incessant compliments to overcome their insecurities, it may signify an unhealthy attachment style.
Consistently seeking reassurance in relationships can stem from the anxieties that our partners do not care or love us in the way that we ideally expect them to. Going back to the anxious attachment style, people might feel insecurity about their relationships based on a worry that partners might leave.
It's human to seek reassurance. No one is totally self-sufficient, even if they pretend to be. The most insecure people are those who don't acknowledge their fears and insecurities. It's a blessing to find people with whom we can be vulnerable and talk to them when we feel anxious or insecure.
Everyone needs reassurance. We need that validation, and we want to know we matter. This is crucial to keeping any relationship afloat. Think about it: When you go a long time without talking to a friend, you almost feel compelled to reach out and validate your presence.
Whilst reassurance may relieve our anxiety in the moment, it's likely to make it worse longer term. Every time we seek out reassurance, we teach the brain that we only survived the “threat” because of that behaviour. Thus, the behaviour itself gets reinforced. In this sense, reassurance can become addictive.
Excessive reassurance seeking is the need to check in with someone over and over again to make sure everything is OK with respect to a particular worry or obsession. While responding may seem supportive, it only serves to perpetuate OCD behaviors and thoughts.
While seeking reassurance isn't a bad thing, people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) might do it in excess. In OCD, needing constant reassurance can look like asking others to promise that they'll be okay, checking things repeatedly, or researching to ensure that they're safe and healthy.
Clinginess can manifest in a variety of ways, but it might include constantly asking for reassurance, needing to maintain contact all the time or leaning on you heavily to maintain their emotional wellbeing. Sometimes, it can literally mean clinging to a person — constantly requiring physical touch and affection.
This is usually a sign of low self esteem. If you don't reply straight away they start to worry something is wrong. They read too much into simple statements and overthink conversations. This lack of confidence requires reassurance from their partner and can be tiring.
Reassurance seeking is a coping mechanism for avoiding uncertainty and the emotions that come with it.
They seek reassurance
An overthinker wants to know that you still love them. They need to be constantly reassured by their partners in a relationship. Even if the cause of their restlessness is completely unfounded and out of the box, focus on assuring them that everything is fine and that you still care about them.
Excessive reassurance-seeking is addressed with exposure and response prevention. This involves repeatedly facing the fear and choosing not to seek reassurance (i.e. not to check, measure, ask, review, do). Exposure can be paced to slowly and purposively help the person reduce the reassurance-seeking.
But excessive reassurance seeking is associated with a number of mental health conditions, including depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and anxiety disorders.
It can come as a surprise when your partner asks for space. While clingy tendencies may have been “ok” in your previous relationship, being overly needy is generally considered a toxic dating habit.
Examples of Clinginess in Relationships
Calling your partner several times a day. Repeatedly messaging them throughout the day. Working yourself into a panic when they don't respond. Constantly stalking your partner's activities on social media. Feeling threatened by their friends or co-workers of the opposite sex.
People with BPD often are afraid of being alone, rejected, or abandoned by those closest to them, which can cause intense paranoia. 7 That may lead them to act obsessively and constantly seek reassurance, or even to push others away to avoid feeling hurt by a future rejection.
Personal Past Relationship Trauma
Perhaps the most common reason for needing reassurance in a relationship is that you've been deeply scarred by trouble and trauma in a past relationship. Often, if you have been betrayed or let down by an ex-partner before, you'll find it harder to trust in any future relationships.
For people with BPD, validation can help them understand their own experience as one that is real and makes sense. Validation improves communication and relationships. People listen more to what you are saying when they feel that you understand or at least are trying to understand their experience.
Reassurance seeking is one of the more common OCD compulsions. When someone is not yet diagnosed, the constant need to hear others' opinions can feel disorienting.
Being human means needing reassurance sometimes. Even the most secure people have moments of self-doubt, insecurity, and feeling overwhelmed. Whether you need a little or lots of validation, this is nothing to be ashamed of.
Reassurance seeking is seen across a wide range of anxiety concerns and there are some common reasons why people with anxiety want reassurance. First and foremost, people ask for reassurance in order to reduce anxiety and feel better. This anxiety can be caused by a few different reasons: Fear of catastrophe.