Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a 10-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.
A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.
According to the research, which surveyed over 3,000 recently married and divorced Americans, as little as a five-year age gap increases the likelihood of divorce by 18%. That number jumps to 39% for a 10-year age gap and a whopping 95% increase for couples with a 20-year age difference.
There are many marriages where a 10 year age gap is achievable if there's enough love and understanding between the spouses. When they have their life goals, ambitions and perspectives aligned together, a 10-year gap may not be threatening. However, for normal couples, it can be a bit stretchy.
Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction decreased slightly for couples with age gaps of 4 to 6 years and continued to decrease for couples with an age gap of 7 or more years.
In short, research seems to indicate that in many cultures, an age gap of 1 to 3 years is considered ideal — but some researchers suggest even a relationship with an age gap of less than 10 years will bring more satisfaction.
Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples.
In fact, a larger age gap is related to a higher divorce rate. When a couple has a one-year age difference, they have just a 3% likelihood of divorce. A five-year age gap means the couple is 18% more likely to divorce. That rises to 39% for a 10-year age difference.
Take time, significant time. While there is no “magic number” for how long to wait before beginning a new relationship, think in terms of months rather than weeks. Some experts suggest that you should wait a month for every year that you were in the relationship before jumping back into another one.
A couple's sex life may ebb and flow over the years for any number of reasons: physical or mental health issues, having kids, side effects of certain medications, stress, relationship problems and sleep issues, among many others. Sex therapists say those dips are totally normal.
“I try and go by the 6-month rule, which says that for most of us to fully heal, it usually takes around 6 months for every year we are with someone,” Peacock says.
The Ideal Age Gap in Relationships
Couples with a zero to three-year age difference showed greater satisfaction than those with a four- to six-year gap. Likewise, couples with a four- to six-year gap showed greater satisfaction than those with a seven-plus year gap.
There is no hard and fast rule on what kind of an age gap is or isn't acceptable in any relationship. While couples typically tend to have an age gap of around one to three years in many cultures, each individual will have a different comfort level that they feel is right for them.
The truth is, there is no ideal or appropriate age gap in a relationship. Whether it's a 20 year age gap relationship or a 5 year age gap relationship, there will be both challenges and benefits to your situation.
Talk about something that she does really well and give her props for it. If you want to compliment her appearance or something physical about her, go with something specific so it feels more genuine. Steer clear of vague or backhanded compliments like, "You look hot for a woman your age!"
The real rules about how old and young you can date. The “creepiness rule” states that the youngest you should date is “half your age plus seven.” The less commonly used corollary is that the oldest you should date is “subtract seven from your age and double it.”
Age-Specific Divorce Rates
Men aged 40 to 44 and 45 to 49 had the most effective divorce rate, with 10.3 divorces per 1,000 men in both age categories. For women, the highest divorce rate was among those aged 40 to 44, with 10.4 divorces per 1,000 women.
While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.
But year 10, Meyer adds, is also when it first becomes prohibitively expensive and emotionally wrenching for couples to divorce, which may figure into this decreased risk. Studies suggest that 20 percent of marriages end within the first five years and that this number increased by 12 percent within 10 years.
Now there's a general rule that always starts this game. The equation, of course: Half your age then add seven to work out if someone is too young for you to date; take seven off your age then double it to work out if someone is too old for you to date.
Fitzpatrick says that the general age gap usually accepted by society is about ten to twelve years, after which you'll probably start raising some eyebrows; "Once one partner is old enough to be the other's parent, people tend to frown."
Falling in love with a woman 10, 15, 20 years older, or more can be exhilarating. These so-called age-gap relationships with the woman as the senior partner are more accepted now than in previous times, some observers say. Even so, making the relationship last involves tackling some thorny -- and sensitive -- issues.