It might seem disrespectful not to attend a parent's funeral, but this is ultimately a personal choice. There is no obligation to attend a funeral, and you might find that you would like to say goodbye in your own way. If you were estranged from the parent, you may have already grieved their death in your own way.
The purpose of a funeral is to mourn the deceased and show support for their family. If you don't feel comfortable doing this then you are not obliged to attend a funeral. But, out of respect, you may want to let the bereaved family know you won't be attending.
One of the most important reasons to go to a funeral is to pay your respects. Being there shows that you want to support the family and help say a meaningful goodbye. At the same time, it allows you to honor the deceased and the memories you shared with them.
Here's when it may be okay to skip the funeral service: If your presence will upset the close family of the deceased. If you're not close to the deceased or their family. If the event is not open to the public.
Etiquette experts say your decision to attend should primarily depend on your relationship and level of closeness with the deceased and/or their family members. But the general rule of thumb is if you can make it, you should be there—especially if you have a deep respect for the departed.
5 reasons not to go to the funeral:
Your attendance at the service would be upsetting to any member of the immediate family. The services are private and not open to the public. The services are out of town and you cannot get there, or you cannot arrange for the time off work.
To make sure the funeral is a time to grieve and not the start of a major fight, some families choose to place restrictions on who can and cannot attend the service. Unless you specify otherwise, it is implied that anyone is welcome to attend the funeral.
Some individuals may feel too sad to go to the funeral, may not feel emotionally able to attend, or may have a complex situation that would make attending the funeral unpleasant or unsafe. It is not wrong to not attend a funeral if you feel physically or emotionally unsafe doing so.
Sadness. This is perhaps the most common and universal emotion to experience at a funeral. The experience of loss naturally results in sadness, and the more you loved and cherished the one you lost, the more sadness you'll probably feel.
Try to eat and sleep well if you can. Avoid alcohol and drug abuse, as this will make you feel worse in the long term. Being involved in arranging the funeral. Many people find that being involved in funeral arrangements helps them say goodbye to their parent and come to terms with what is happening.
Usually people say a short prayer by the casket and then proceed to share their condolences with the family. Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family.
No matter what your decision is, it's important to do what feels right for you. There is no wrong choice when it comes to attending (or not attending) the funeral of an estranged family member. What matters most is that you honor your own grief and give yourself the time and space to process your thoughts and feelings.
Proper funeral etiquette dictates that the closer you are to the deceased, the closer you will be to the casket. Spouse, parents, and children of the deceased will sit closest to the front. Sometimes close friends and "honorary family members" will sit with the grieving family.
It is perfectly okay to request no funeral after your death or to not arrange a funeral for a loved one who did not want one. Although some people may be upset by the lack of a traditional funeral, the wishes of the deceased should be followed when at all possible.
In parts of Germany and in Belgium, it was long customary to cover mirrors with a white cloth because it was thought that if a person saw his or her image in a mirror after a death in the household, that person would die shortly.
Close family and friends of the person who died will likely attend the visitation and funeral service. Others may attend both or may need to or prefer to attend one or the other but not both.
When You Should Attend Just the Wake or Just the Funeral. Someone wise once said that you should attend the wake if you would like to show support to the survivors. You should attend the funeral if you need to grieve yourself. If you find yourself in both camps, attend both the wake and the funeral.
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
Unless they have chosen to be seated beforehand, the family comes next, chief mourner(s) first, walking with whomever he or she chooses. Close friends may follow, completing the procession. The family and pallbearers occupy the front rows, with friends filling vacant places on either side.
It's common for the grief process to take a year or longer. A grieving person must resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it's normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years.