When the initial affection in a relationship is mutual, it can be a perfectly healthy sign of a blossoming relationship. However, extreme attention and affection that's one-sided at the beginning of a relationship can be considered "love bombing"—a type of emotional abuse.
They over-communicate their love for you
Love bombing doesn't always involve obvious displays of gift-giving, grand gestures and face-to-face manipulation. Sometimes, it can happen more subtly in day-to-day conversation. A person who love bombs might check in frequently about what you're doing when they're not around.
It often involves intense displays of affection, admiration, and grand gestures. Love bombing can happen at any relationship stage but is more common when two people first meet. While all this attention may seem flattering, it can be dangerously manipulative.
Hyperfocus on a new relationship and partner — showering them with gifts and attention — may be mistaken for love bombing, especially when the heat begins to cool.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Love bombing is a form of manipulation in which someone showers another person with excessive affection, attention, and praise to control or exploit them. It's often used as a tactic in romantic relationships but can also occur in other relationships, such as friendships and work dynamics.
Many people who love bomb have narcissistic personality disorder, but that is not always the case. Attachment style and other factors can also play a role. How do you stop love bombing? If you are love bombing someone, or have in past relationships, talk to a mental health professional.
Love bombing typically takes place during a courtship phase that can last days or weeks. It may even last for months if you seem more resistant. Ultimately, there's no set timeline for love bombing. It can continue until your partner feels they've established the necessary level of control.
Stage Two - Devaluing
Once the initial love bombing phase is over, and the individual is suitably in love, loyal and enmeshed in the relationship the next stage of devaluation begins.
Love bombers tend to continue until the person is either sufficiently seduced or makes it clear they won't succumb to their efforts. Many people will see the exaggerated gestures and declarations as a red flag and get out.
Future faking occurs when someone makes a false promise about the future. This person says they will do something they have no intention of doing. Future faking is a manipulative technique people use to control another person in a relationship to get what they want.
Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
The term "love bombing" is often used to describe behavior that is seen in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship or a cult, however, it can happen in any kind of relationship. When love bombing stops, it can leave the person on the receiving end feeling confused, hurt, and emotionally drained.
The grey rock method is where you deliberately act unresponsive or unengaged so that an abusive person will lose interest in you. Abusive people thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and don't show your emotions, they may lose interest and stop bothering you. This is known as “grey rocking.”
"Love bombing is considered 'unhealthy' because it makes it harder for the other person to maintain their personal boundaries—you can lose yourself and start to depend on the other person to feel good." It's also dangerous, according to Knight, "because you get looped into a relationship that is essentially fake.
Sure, many couples experience a honeymoon phase where they might constantly be thinking about their partner and offering them tokens of affection. But with love bombing, this is done in such a way as to overwhelm and blind the intended target so that they're potentially unaware of the manipulation,” says Harouni Lurie.
The motivations for love bombing and infatuation are different. Love bombing, a fairly common tactic among abusers, is all about control and power. On the other hand, infatuation is not necessarily manipulation. You can say that its goal is to become romantically involved with the object of affection.
The term “hoovering” is derived from the Hoover vacuum cleaner, as it symbolizes the narcissist's attempt to “suck” their victims back into their lives. Someone who hoovers will engage in love bombing, gift-giving, gaslighting, or guilt-tripping, among other manipulative strategies.
Borderline love bombing uses demonstrations of affection and emotion to catch and keep someone's interest. While this attention can be flattering at first, love bombing is a manipulative behavior used to control another person.
While love bombing is frequently talked about in the context of romantic and sexual relationships, it's important to understand that this specific abuse tactic can occur in friendships and other close relationships as well.
Love bombing merupakan tindakan baik fisik maupun verbal berupa kasih sayang berlebih. Perilaku ini biasanya dilakukan untuk memanipulasi hubungan demi mendapatkan apa yang diinginkan. Sementara itu, silent treatment adalah sikap seseorang untuk memilih diam saat berhadapan dengan konflik.
To determine whether it is love-bombing or a harmless rush of excitement, gently indicate to the person that you are not ready for such extravagant gestures so early in your relationship. You can politely refuse by saying, “This is very sweet, but I think it's a little too soon for me.”