“It might feel awkward at first, but it's also perfectly healthy to talk about past relationships if it's done in a conscious way. It can help you understand each other better when you share these things; it can alleviate any fears you might have.
If your date is talking about his/her ex or if the relationship has recently ended, this is a red flag. In order to be fully present with a new partner, there needs to be completion (some call this closure), a grieving period and a time for re-establishing the "single self" before moving into a new relationship.
Wait until things become a bit serious with someone before discussing your dating history. You do not need to talk about your exes on the first date, and doing so will likely not land you a second. But, if a month or so has passed and you want to progress with them, now could be the right time.
If you keep mentioning your previous relationships it may cause more damage to your current one than you think. Your partner may feel insecure and jealous. They may see themselves as an option or may misunderstand you for not being happy with them.
"Often, people feel guilty of not being true to their partners if they are hiding anything from them. But the belief that your partner needs to know everything about you for a happy and long lasting relationship is a mere myth. Sharing your past can at times ruin your relationship and affect your future," adds Archana.
While some may think bringing up a past love is flat-out disrespectful, only you know your intentions. But respecting your marriage or your partner should always take priority. So if you're not sure about whether or not it would be a slight to your current relationship, the answer is simple: just don't do it.
Every time you bring up their past to mock them for their choices or your own to draw comparisons, you are wedging a gap. This is not a constructive habit and moreover, it is unhealthy. You might feel that you are talking from your feelings and emotions, but what you are actually doing is bullying them for their past.
"Anything above five is too many for both men and women. Even one relationship takes so much out of you, so if you're able to do more than five, either you have a lot of patience or you've been in them half-heartedly." "Any figure that goes into double-digit territory is scary.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
There's no hard rule about what you should share with your partner when it comes to exes or your past. Consider how they might react. "Everyone has different triggers in relationships and it's important to know them, not necessarily test them," Trescott says.
If you share the details of your past sex life and there's not even a hint of insecurity or disapproval on his or her face, be assured that you have found a partner who has a liberal attitude. It shows that your would-be-spouse respects your past and is willing to embrace you for the person you are.
If a man talks about his past relationships, it might be because he wants to solve the problems that arose from his past experiences. Guys can be direct about the fact that they want something from you, but this is not always the case. Other times, they communicate by talking about something else.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
There was a fairly significant gender difference, with women claiming around six ex-partners and men around eight. In general, there seems to be a pervasive tendency for women to report having fewer opposite-sex partners than men do.
It found that the average person who identifies as a woman has seven sexual partners in her life, while a person who identifies as a man has around six. This study should be taken with a grain of salt, because it's not clear what they define as a "sexual partner."
The study also revealed that men will have six relationships - two of which will last more than a year, while women will have five. Men and women both face get cheated on once in their quest to find 'The One' - but the average adult will also be the cheater on at least one occasion in their dating lifetime.
When your girlfriend brings up past mistakes, it could be a sign that she feels like the situation isn't resolved. Maybe you had a disagreement or conflict in the past and she still feels unresolved. Perhaps she's still hurt or angry about it and can't get over it.
Overthinking in this way is called rumination. While we worry about what might occur in the future, we ruminate about events that have already happened. A ruminative reaction to an event often triggers memories of similar situations from the past and an unproductive focus on the gap between the real and ideal self.
Talking to an ex can create false hope that the two of you could one day get back together. Even if you know your ex isn't right for you, talking to your ex can cause serious problems. After a relationship ends, loneliness, confusion and anger often come in fits and starts.
They're friends with their ex
Feeling threatened by an ex is a normal feeling — but it's not a red flag. Maybe they were friends before they started dating. Perhaps they value each other's opinions or words of advice. Or maybe they dated so long ago that every ounce of romantic connection has simply disappeared.
Sullivan explained that an ex reminiscing about the past is usually another sign they're wanting to try things again. Casually mentioning a memory the two of you shared or something you experienced together is their way of reminding you of the good times you had.