They're tough to get to know There's being reserved and then there's INFJ levels of secrecy. It's no surprise that as Introverts—who recharge by spending time alone—INFJs can be tough to get to know. In fact, INFJ personalities are talkative and bubbly, but only around people they trust and know well.
Friendships. Because they are reserved and private, INFJs can be difficult to get to know. They place a high value on close, deep relationships and can be hurt easily—although they often hide these feelings from others.
At just 1.5% of the US population, INFJs can be hard to find. Some of us will go our entire lives without running into one! But if you're bound and determined to encounter this, the rare blue diamond of personality types, here are some ways to increase your chances.
The INFJ. Upon first meeting, people often find you calm yet focused. There's a warmth and friendliness to your demeanor that helps put people at ease and encourages them to speak freely. Yet you also give people their space and are not prone to long bouts of chit-chat or small-talk.
Acquaintances of INFJs would likely describe them as quiet, intelligent, serious, gentle, and possibly a bit reclusive. Others generally perceive INFJs as pleasant people to be around, but may also notice that they can be moody, aloof, or even somewhat crabby on occasion.
At their best, INFJs make modest, reliable teammates, and allow others to take the lead. INFJs may undervalue their own needs, ideas, and contributions, acting overly shy and not taking credit when due. At their worst, INFJs can be excessively submissive, ineffectual, and too dependent on direction from others.
INFJs are enigmas to other types, and sometimes the way they think, speak, or function can look outwardly awkward. Most of these behaviors are easy to explain when they're analyzed. So if you or someone you know is an INFJ, remember not to dismiss these habits as awkward, but as evidence of how you tick.
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others.
Some introverted types are more apt to be mistaken for extraverts than others. In our experience, the INFJ is the type most commonly misperceived as extraverted, although this can occur with the INTJ as well. There are a number of personality factors commonly associated with extraversion.
Relationships can be overwhelming for the sensitive INFJ. After all, we tune into other people's emotions and sometimes struggle to sort our complex feelings out. Yet, as intense as INFJ relationships can be, these personalities usually seek long-term commitment from a partner, not a casual fling.
In the world of personality theory, the INTP and INFJ pairing has been nicknamed “The Golden Pair” because these two types can be highly compatible.
INFJs are most likely to marry someone who shares their values and vision for the future, regardless of their personality type. INFJs are more likely to marry someone who values emotional depth and intimacy and is dedicated to personal growth and development.
Don't flinch, no matter what your INFJ shares with you. The thing about INFJs is that we are always testing the people around us to see if we can trust them further. The test usually entails us sharing something crazy and quirky about ourselves with you, and seeing if you flinch. Just don't flinch, for god's sake.
Unsurprisingly, they can get stressed out by uncertainty and a lack of organization, and they're the most likely personality type to say they feel really anxious in unpredictable situations. This feeling is especially common among Turbulent Advocates, given their sensitivity to stress.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
INFP is the type most commonly mistaken for INFJ, and they use Ne as their co-pilot process. If Signs 1 and 5 are both sound true for you there's a very good chance you're an INFP.
People are high-fiving, cheering, and otherwise overdoing it emotionally. As an INFJ you tend to feel out-of-your-element in these situations. You might attempt to cheer only to be taken aback by the awkward tension and self-consciousness in your voice.
An INFJ who likes you will try their best to stay close to you without making it seem obvious or awkward. They will find a way to be in the same place you are, hoping to get closer to you. In social situations, it doesn't matter how many others are there; they will want to be near you.
These introverts are hopeless romantics who tend to fall in love easily, but they also struggle to make the first move, flirt and show love once they're in a relationship. Because of their unique and rare personality type, INFJs tend to struggle in relationships, but that doesn't have to be the case.
They are also quiet but fierce hardworking perfectionists who dream big and achieve their goals. Because they are often reserved, high-achieving individuals with high expectations of both themselves and others, INFJs can be intimidating to other personality types.
Crowds, noise, frequent interruptions - INFJs need their personal space and may experience great anxiety if they have too much contact with people in one day. Faced with such provocations, there's a risk that you will spread yourself so thin responding to other people's problems that you neglect your own needs.
INFJs may seem shy at first, but they usually have a lot going on beneath the surface. They tend to follow their hunches to determine what to do next. However, they'll usually share their vision for the future only with the people they're closest to.