It is a challenge for most couples to find a balance between their needs and expectations, and their partner's needs and expectations. In a relationship where one individual is on the autism spectrum, there are likely many more opportunities for misunderstandings and frustration.
We can date people who aren't on the autism spectrum.
We aren't mind readers so tell us when we may be going too fast or too slow. We will respect you even more for being honest with us, as people on the spectrum tend to be some of the most authentic people you will ever meet.
Autistic partners may need pressure, not aggressive, but firm and consistent. While this is not typically what you think of with tender, romantic love, it may cause a person with ASD discomfort if someone were to kiss them or hold their hand gently.
Because autistic people might have trouble understanding social rules, the way others deliver words, or body language, they can sometimes express their feelings inappropriately. These include attraction and romantic feelings. People on the spectrum need clear explanations of what is appropriate and what is not.
Many people (whether they have ASD or not!) find it confusing and intimidating to initiate and maintain a romantic relationship. There are a few factors that can make dating uniquely challenging for someone on the autism spectrum.
Research has found that autistic people are equally interested in romantic relationships as neurotypical people. They just tend to have a slightly harder time knowing how to navigate dating and interpreting social cues, particularly at the start of the relationship.
Some kids on the spectrum feel a constant need for affection because they are not sure when or if the attention will be available. Schedule 5 to 10 minutes every day when you can provide your youngster with undivided attention (i.e., no computer, T.V., cell phones, etc.).
Some autistic people might like more 'obvious' forms of flirting like grand gestures, crafting things for someone or writing letters.
Love and affection may be felt but expressed differently
They may show love, for example, through a practical act, and tidy up for you, or iron your shirt, rather than through a more neurotypical way of looking at you and telling you or using physical affection.
Many of us on the spectrum also have heightened challenges with sensitivity and transition, and breakups can have a negative effect on us both physically and mentally.
For autistic people, navigating intimate relationships and dating can present its own unique challenges. As a non-autistic person, it might be difficult to support your autistic partner. They may communicate in a different way to you, or find it hard to express their needs and desires.
While autism can influence how you communicate and interact with others, it doesn't prevent you from developing sexually, or from finding mutually fulfilling relationships that involve intimacy and sex.
In some cases, the partners react in ways that only inflame insecurities or escalate conflicts. For example, after an argument, the neurotypical partner might feel stressed out and unheard, while the autistic partner grows distant and resentful. As problems reoccur, the relationship becomes more and more strained.
Autistic children and teenagers experience a range of emotions, but they might need support to recognise, understand and manage their emotions. For example, your autistic child might feel all negative or unpleasant emotions as anger.
Autistic individuals may have problems communicating sexual needs which can cause issues in intimate relationships. They may seek to satisfy these needs on their own, rather than communicate them with their partner. In turn, this can result in hurt feelings.
The worry that people with autism will find it difficult to either love someone or sustain a long-term relationship is usually based on the following reasons: empathy issues. social issues. routines and rigid thinking.
These responses are often described as a general hypersensitivity, but they are more complex than that: Sometimes autistic people crave touch; sometimes they cringe from it.
Physical touch can present complications for an autistic person. They may abhor all types of physical interaction, they may crave certain kinds of physical contact, or different intensities in certain situations. Knowing your loved one is key.
They can and they have. In fact, there are stories of those with Asperger's meeting their significant others on Tinder. However, those stories are incredibly rare, and experiences such as the below are much more prevalent within the community.
While many children with autism feel averse to hugging, some children with autism like to be hugged.
While many people with autism may appear to lack empathy and sympathy, it is not the case for all people with autism. For those who struggle with displaying appropriate empathetic responses, the reasons may relate more to social communication issues than a lack of underlying emotional response.
Social-Emotional Reciprocity
On the other hand, some people with autism might overshare and might not know when to let the other person have a turn to talk. People with autism might also struggle to share what they are thinking or feeling with other people.