But, unchecked, consuming jealousy can be toxic and destroy relationships. That's why we need to know how to recognize it and respond in a productive way, Stern and others say.
Jealous people usually are insecure and have low self-esteem. Their insecurity can manifest in many different ways. Jealousy is very unhealthy and can affect the person who harbors jealousy as well as the person whom someone envies. It can scar him or her psychologically.
Jealousy is often rooted in insecurities and fears that a person may not even realize they have. These could include fear of oversimplification, fear of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of being replaced, and fear of being judged.
“Another common red flag is jealousy and distrust,” says Trueblood. “Often, the red flag of a very insecure partner looks like attentiveness at the start of a relationship, but there's an underlying control problem beneath all the attention.
The difference between healthy jealousy vs unhealthy jealousy is that the unhealthy and toxic kind usually stems from insecurity and possessiveness. It can lead people to try to control what their partner wears, where they go, who they meet with, etc. And that is never okay.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
Feeling jealous doesn't necessarily make you immature or insecure. However, a consistent feeling of intense jealousy for your partner is definitely a sign of emotional immaturity.
But there's a difference between feeling jealous and exhibiting unhealthy jealous behaviors. Normal jealousy is a pang that comes on in an instant, one which we can usually dismiss on our own. Unhealthy jealous behavior happens when we indulge that feeling and act impulsively from a place of suspicion and insecurity.
Morbid jealousy is signaled by irrational, obsessive thoughts centered around a lover or ex-lover's possible sexual unfaithfulness, together with unacceptable or extreme behavior. Surprisingly, it occurs more often in older individuals and in males.
Past trauma
If you've experienced emotional abuse or betrayal from past relationships, that can start to taint your view of future relationships if the trauma goes unchecked. This is where jealousy can rear its head and feed into those feelings, by making you feel anxious or afraid of losing the person you're with now.
Research shows that jealousy is often fueled by insecurity, not love for a partner.
Jealousy breeds suspicion, doubt, and mistrust, which can snowball into pretty intense emotions and behaviors, he says. We may become preoccupied with the fear of betrayal. We might start checking up on our friend or partner constantly, trying to “catch them.” We might become possessive of that person.
Jealousy can be a sign of insecurity. Jealousy is a fear of losing something you already have, like a relationship or friendship. People who deal with jealousy may often feel threatened by other people. You may also feel that you are in competition with others, even if you're not.
Jealousy is a prominent feature for those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder (NPD and BPD).
In short, no, jealousy and love are not the same things. You can exhibit signs of jealousy over someone you do not love, and sometimes there is love entirely devoid of jealousy.
Jealousy is a “complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship” (White, 1981, p. 129). According to Pfeiffer and Wong (1989), jealousy construct consists of three dimensions: emotional, cognitive, and behavioral.
Delusional jealousy is a psychotic disorder and should be treated mainly with antipsychotics, while obsessive jealousy resembles obsessive-compulsive disorder and should be treated with SSRIs and cognitive-behavioural therapy.
Sometimes, the main reason behind gossiping is envy and jealousy. When someone is envious of someone else, he might gossip about him in order to let people hate him.
Jealousy comes out of a lack of trust; lack of trust in the process of life, in your partner, in yourself.
Past studies have shown that jealousy peaks in adolescence.
Jealousy makes you selfish, and that can be difficult to deal with from a partner's perspective. "If someone allows jealousy to take control and rule their actions, they become too selfish," Jayne Kinsman told INSIDER.