Approach them very gently when they are in a stable mood. Don't specifically mention BPD if you can help it—just tell them their behavior is worrisome to you because you love them and want them to be happy. Offer your support every step of the way.
There's a fairly good chance that telling them you believe it's possible they have BPD will result in them accusing you of having it. When they perceive that you are criticizing or slighting them, a person with BPD will be likely to lash out, denying their problems and enumerating yours instead.
People with borderline personality disorders are aware of their behaviors and the consequences of them and often act in increasingly erratic ways as a self-fulfilling prophecy to their abandonment fears.
Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.
Many people with BPD feel emotions deeply and find working in a caring role fulfilling. If you are an empathetic person, consider jobs such as teaching, childcare, nursing and animal care.
Tell them that you really want to understand, and ask if they can say more about what they are feeling and why. Give the person hope for recovery by reassuring them that people with BPD can and do get better. Accept that the person is struggling and that life goals might need to be broken down into smaller steps.
Gaslighting is by no means unique to individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD), but certain symptoms make it more likely for people with BPD to feel gaslighted by others and create circumstances where others feel gaslighted by them. Gaps in memory result from dissociation.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Results found in a 2014 study found the average length of a BPD relationship between those who either married or living together as partners was 7.3 years. However, there are cases where couples can stay together for 20+ years.
Recognize in your loved one's abilities and help them realize their own potential rather than taking on their challenges for them. Let them know that you support them and believe in them. Help them take steps to become more self-sufficient, not less. Of course, this does not mean ignoring legitimate crises.
Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down. When you appreciate how a borderline person hears you and adjust how you communicate with them, you can help diffuse the attacks and rages and build a stronger, closer relationship.
Validate Their Feelings
It can be tempting to try to talk them out of what they are feeling or write them off as simply irrational. However, those feelings are very real to the person with the disorder. Therefore, dismissing their emotions is not only profoundly painful, it is counterproductive.
A romantic relationship with someone with BPD can be, in a word, stormy. It's not uncommon to experience a great deal of turmoil and dysfunction. However, people with BPD can be exceptionally caring, compassionate, and affectionate. In fact, some people find this level of devotion from a partner pleasant.
A favorite person is the center of attention of an individual living with BPD. This means they consider this person as a trusted friend, confidant, and counselor all wrapped in one.
What Is a BPD Favorite Person? For someone with BPD, the favorite person is deemed the most important person in their life. This person can be anyone, but it's often a romantic partner, family member, good friend, or another supportive person (like a coach, therapist, or teacher).
Symptoms of BPD can also interfere with concentration, which can lead to poor work performance. For example, frequent dissociation can inhibit your ability to finish your tasks in a timely fashion.
While researchers are still trying to pin down the precise areas where BPD and autism overlap, it seems clear that many traits are indeed shared, especially among females. In one study, nearly half of women diagnosed with BPD also met diagnostic criteria for autism when assessed using the Autism Spectrum Quotient.
Fear of Patients Lashing Out. Individuals with symptoms of BPD are particularly sensitive to perceived criticism. This increases the likelihood that they will feel attacked when a therapist attempts to offer suggestions or insights. This often leads to lashing out.