Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
It's different for everyone, but research suggests around 2 years. Your pain isn't going to go away overnight, and that's okay. Things might suck for a little bit (or even a while), but after about 2 years, you'll probably no longer feel the deep, aching pain of being betrayed.
Extensive research conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 53% of couples who experienced infidelity in their marriage were divorced within 5 years, even with therapy. The study says that couples who have been unfaithful are three times more likely to separate than monogamous couples.
If the cheater feels remorseful and apologetic and wants to reconcile, separation can be a satisfactory compromise for both parties while they both do the hard work of recovering their relationship.
According to the Infidelity Institute, it takes around 18 months to recover from an affair. But this is merely a standard industry answer. In reality, the road to reconciliation is different for every couple and timelines for effective affair recovery vary greatly.
Forgiveness is the antidote and a way for you to move on. However, it's a personal choice whether to do so. Can you forgive a cheater? In short, yes, but learning how to forgive someone for cheating means understanding what forgiveness actually means — only then can you achieve it.
There is no one right answer decision. It all comes down to the unique relationship you have with your partner and whether or not you feel it is possible to forgive them for cheating. If you decide it is not possible, that's okay. And if you decide it is possible, that's okay too.
Coincidentally, 40% of couples walking through the effects of cheating are now separated or divorced. Compare this with the numbers around those who have never struggled with unfaithfulness. Only 17% of American adults who have never struggled with infidelity are divorced.
If it was a “one-off,” possibly fuelled by alcohol, Winter suggests refraining from telling your partner - as it will only hurt them. “If so, think twice before revealing an interlude you can barely remember the next day,” she advised. “This confession can only create harm, not good.
In this new study, 45 percent of individuals who reported cheating on their partner in the first relationship reported also doing so in the second. Among those who had not cheated in the first, far fewer (18 percent) cheated in the second.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
How Common Is Cheating in Relationships? Studies suggest that around 30 to 40 percent of unmarried relationships and 18 to 20 percent of marriages see at least one incident of sexual infidelity, according to Kilmer.
When you put the data together, about 15-20% of married couples cheat. The rate of cheating increases with age for both married men and married women. In a study titled America's Generation Gap in Extramarital Affairs, 20% of older couples noted that they had cheated during their marriage.
According to estimates based on married couples, approximately 25% of men admit to cheating on their spouse at some point, while around 15% of women admit to the same.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety have been linked to infidelity. A person may also experience relationship anxiety, which often results in a person feeling more insecure about themselves. It can also induce doubt towards one's partner, and excessive worry that one will be cheated on again.
It is normal to feel guilty about what you've done after cheating on someone. Guilt is a sign that you understand that what you did was wrong and that you have hurt your partner. Guilt can be a difficult emotion to feel, but it can encourage you to find a way to make things right.
Step One: Atone
The betrayer must patiently allow their partner to process the pain their actions caused and show remorse for what they have done. Doing so can include no self-defense, making excuses, or being vindictive in the face of their dishonesty. Transparency is also crucial in this phase.
In practice, it tends to be uncommon for a relationship to survive instances of cheating. One study found that only about 16 percent of couples who'd experienced unfaithfulness were able to work it out.
If they are willing to learn from their mistakes to avoid repeating them, this can be a positive sign that the relationship may be able to be preserved. If, however, the cheater shows little to no desire to repair the relationship, it might not be wise or healthy to give them a second chance.