A Rough Timeline. People need to understand that it takes at least two years for the shock waves of the infidelity to subside. That doesn't mean it's all bad for two years. In fact, couples may find they're doing better than ever during that period, but, at any given moment, reminders and triggers can still occur.
Does the pain of infidelity ever go away? Although cheating can have a lasting effect on your mental health, it's possible to heal after infidelity, says Babita Spinelli, a psychotherapist licensed in New York, New Jersey, and Florida. Spinelli offers couples coaching for partners recovering after infidelity.
12-18 Months
Around 18 months, most couples who have begun the healing process and worked with an infidelity therapist will have reached a point where they feel ready to rebuild.
Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
If you've been cheated on, it may take a long time to heal. It can cause you chronic anxiety, post-traumatic stress, depression, and mistrust of others for a long time after the event.
They may have said, “I'm sorry,” numerous times, but if you can't get passed it, you're probably experiencing symptoms of trauma. Some betrayed partners experience nightmares, anxiety, irritability, flashbacks, brain fog, depression, and/or other symptoms.
Some people, but not all, do struggle with the pain and betrayal for years. For the partner who has been hurt, expect at least two years of recovery and growth to feel somewhat “normal” again. There is a general affair recovery timeline both people in a relationship can follow and depend upon.
For those who cheat and don't open up about their mistakes, the divorce rate is a staggering 80%. For those who do admit their mistakes, that figure drops nearly in half, with divorce rates hitting around 43%. Honesty builds stronger relationships, engenders trust, and allows for healing.
Things that can trigger flashbacks include spending time with your partner who cheated, romantic sounds, love stories, not hearing from your partner and sometimes they can just come out of the blue when you least expect it. Being betrayed by a loved one can often be traumatic.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
Unfortunately, there are several long-term effects of infidelity that can affect a person long after the cheating has stopped. These can be life-changing, and lead to the development of certain mental health conditions including chronic depression, anxiety, post-infidelity stress disorder, and betrayal trauma.
Infidelity is the betrayal our society focuses on, but it is actually the subtle, unnoticed betrayals that truly ruin relationships. When partners do not choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away.
How we deal with those mistakes is what we can use to show our partners just how much we care about them. So yes, you can love your partner and betray them. Or be loved and feel betrayed. If it happens, it's important to show them how much you care and take responsibility do what's in your power to make things right.
Infidelity can lead to negative impacts, such as infidelity PTSD, relationship anxiety, and relationship OCD.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
If you and your partner have at least a few common interests—hobbies and activities that you can enjoy together—that's a strong indicator of a relationship worth saving, especially if those interests are an important area of life for one or both of you.
2. Don't Make Any Rash Decisions. Taking some time and space after an affair can help you cool down your thoughts and feelings so you can make decisions with a regulated nervous system.
Ultimately, there is no set formula for whether you should stay together or not. You and your partner will need to decide both individually and together if there are enough positive elements in your relationship to make the difficult work of healing worthwhile.
Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder
Rumination: You may perseverate over your partner's infidelity and have recurring thoughts about it. Trauma recall: You may have painful memories, flashbacks, or nightmares that cause you to relive the traumatic experience.