Marriages that begin as affairs have a significantly higher risk of divorce, with many sources suggesting over 75% end in failure, often within the first few years, due to foundations of secrecy, broken trust, and the intense fantasy fading. While a small percentage (less than 2% to 7%) do become lasting, successful unions, they require immense effort to build new trust, with some research indicating that couples who openly addressed infidelity in therapy fared better, but still faced a substantial divorce rate.
For couples who began a relationship through an affair, and later marry, the statistics aren't positive. According to the studies that have been done, over 75% of those marriages will end in divorce after five years.
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
The 777 rule for a marriage? The seven seven seven rule involves going on a date with your partner once a week, going away for a night together once every seven weeks and going on holiday alone together once every 7 months. Try it out. You may rekindle your marriage, your relationship and you may fall in love again.
Data is that less than half of all spouses EVER cheat on their spouses. The most ``dangerous'' times in a marriage are around the end of the honeymoon stage (about 3 years in), around 7 years, around 12 years, and around 20 years.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
The "3x3 rule" in marriage is a guideline for balancing individual and couple time, suggesting each partner gets three hours of alone time per week and the couple spends three hours of quality time together, often recommended for busy parents to reduce resentment and reconnect by scheduling protected "me time" and dedicated "us time". It's a strategy to ensure both personal well-being and relationship connection are prioritized, preventing burnout and rekindling sparks through intentional, scheduled breaks and shared experiences.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …
Among those who have ever married, Black Americans are the most likely to have gotten divorced (41%). Asian Americans are the least likely (16%). Americans who were born in the U.S. are more likely than those born outside the U.S. to have ever divorced (36% vs. 22%).
The 7 Deadly Sins: What Not To Do After an Affair
Affairs Are Seen As A Break From Reality
There can be struggles at home that make the affair seem like a paradise in comparison. The ability to communicate with one's spouse often drives a wedge between partners, leading one to seek validation elsewhere.
There are several types of personalities that have been found to be more prone to cheating, including narcissists, psychopaths, and those with an avoidant attachment style.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
10 signs of an unhealthy relationship
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a guideline for maintaining strong connection by scheduling dedicated time: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway (or night away) every 7 weeks, and a longer, kid-free vacation every 7 months, all designed to fight drift and routine by ensuring consistent, intentional quality time, though flexibility is key.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
The 3-day rule after an argument is a guideline designed to help couples work through an argument in the healthiest way possible. By giving your partner time and space to breathe, it's easier to resolve any underlying issues before they have the chance to blow up into something more.
Proceeding chapters introduce the Five Cs—Communication, Compromise, Conflict Resolution, Compassion, and Commitment—and speak about them within the context of the case study.
Six Factors That Predict Divorce
Four Habits That Destroy Marriages
Once upon a time when divorce was rare, most people were driven to it by what I call The Three A's– affairs, addictions or abuse. Divorce meant that someone was chronically cheating, repeatedly intoxicated, or physically violent.