The question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is a contentious one. In the many conversations I've had on the topic, the consensus seems to be that three months in is the sweet spot. But that feels like a lifetime to me. In all my serious relationships, the L-word was dropped closer to three weeks.
According to 2020 OKCupid data on 6,000 people shared with mindbodygreen, 62% of people think you should say "I love you" "as soon as you feel it," whereas 22% think you should wait "several months," and 3% think you should wait "at least a year." On average, research has found men take about three months to say "I ...
While early relationship feels (and hormones) can be intoxicating, relationship experts warn that it might be a red flag if you or your partner is too quick to say, “I love you.”
Two months. But it depends on the person and the state of the relationship, and knowing when you're really in love, or whether you're just in need. If you don't feel you love someone after one or two months, you may never love them.
What the post-breakup 3-month rule basically means is that all parties previously linked must wait three months before dating again. The reason for this societal dictation is to give the people involved a breather, some lead time, maybe a little room for forgiveness.
“There is no absolute rule,” says Dr. Lauren Kerwin, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. “[Falling in love] can happen instantaneously or take weeks, months, or years! It happens differently for everybody and takes different forms.”
According to one survey, men take an average of 88 days to tell a partner "I love you," compared to a woman's 134. Moreover, 39 percent of men say "I love you" within the first month of dating someone, compared to just 23 percent of women. Personality differences also cause people to fall in love at different paces.
Saying “I love you” too soon could impact your relationship.
However, if someone is on the fence about the relationship, is perhaps a bit emotionally immature, or is negatively triggered by those words, it could scare them off,” says Mann.
The bottom line? Falling in love can happen relatively quickly — some say they feel it on a first date, while most agree it takes at least eight weeks. But you can fall out of love just as easily.
The root theory of the 3-month dating rule is unknown and obscure, but the universal acceptance of it is real. Three months is plenty of time to know if you see long-term potential in the relationship. Three months is short enough that each person can escape without too much heartbreak.
In many ways, men may fall in love in a way that mimics the female experience. The early stages can involve an infatuation with someone else, which can slowly deepen into trust, compassion and deep attachment. Men may also fall in love quickly and feel a strong need for affection from their partners.
There's no set number. If you connect with someone, you might find that the two of you naturally become exclusive right away. But if someone is already dating other people and building connections, it can take a lot longer. When you become one another's first choice, this is a good time to consider becoming exclusive.
"[One month is] not too soon if you spend every single day together for an entire month," Golden says. "That's long enough to fall in love and to verbally express it." On the flipside, Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, isn't fully convinced four weeks can give you all the answers.
Men usually say it first, and it's for the reason you think
A 2011 study published in the Journal of Sociology Psychology found that, while both male and female college students believe women tend to say “I love you” first, it's actually men who fall in love faster and say the L-word earlier.
You feel intensely happy when you're in love. You can't stop thinking about them, talking about them with your friends, and your heart still goes pitter-patter when their name pops up on your phone screen. “You are excited to see them and are elated when you're around them,” Dr. Montgomery says.
Both Cosgrove and Ruiz agree that it's best to say those three special words once you have spent at least three to five months getting to know your partner, where you've likely also talked about future plans you'd like to experience together, whether that be marriage or even just a vacation.
love. Whereas infatuation tends to happen very quickly and involves a strong attraction, love is a much deeper experience of knowing someone fully, feeling bonded and close to them, and caring about them in a way that's both enduring and not centered around how they make you feel.
In fact, researchers found that men thought about confessing love six weeks earlier, on average, than women. The general consensus among studies on love is that men fall in love faster than women.
In general, you should wait until you feel ready and you have a sense of security in your relationship. But, there's no timeline for saying “I love you” for the first time. In fact, for some people, thinking about when to say “I love you” isn't a big deal.
According to Hani Henry, chair and associate professor of psychology in the Department of Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology and Egyptology at AUC, Robert Sternberg's psychological theory covers the most common reasons why we fall in love, namely: intimacy, passion and commitment.
Case in point: An 2018 survey of 1,000 British men and women found that while more than half of them take over three months to say, "I love you," 32% of women and 29% of men say it in one to three months—and 10% of women and 14% of men say it in just one to four weeks.
Falling in love easily, quickly, and often is called "emophilia." This tendency can lead people to miss critical red flags, so they may be prone to entering unhealthy relationships. Emophilia may make people's self-concepts vulnerable to rapid change.
Abstract. Emophilia is defined by a tendency to fall in love quickly and often, which is associated with rapid romantic involvement. However, questions linger as to how it is different from anxious attachment, which also predicts rapid romantic involvement.