Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Feeling valued for how you're perceived (not who you are)
A mother with narcissistic tendencies is typically overly concerned with her daughter's appearance and achievements and how they reflect back on her, says Lis. As a result, the daughter doesn't learn to be her authentic self.
The cruelty and abuse of the narcissistic parent are nothing short of traumatic. Being exposed to endless self centered behavior can trap you in exhaustion, and the manipulation and lack of insight, which is a common narcissistic feature, can wear you to the bone.
All children of narcissists suffer. Sons of narcissistic mothers suffer damage to their autonomy, self-worth, and future relationships with women. Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to nurture their children. They don't see them as individuals, but as extensions of themselves.
The pain of being raised by a narcissistic mother can feel like death by a thousand paper cuts. It can be difficult to point to any one experience to convey the damage of chronic rejection, criticism, instability, and unrequited love.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be difficult. The children of a narcissist are often children who grow up to be codependent, people-pleasers, and have low self-esteem. They may never feel good enough for their parents or themselves.
They will be extremely sensitive to criticism, manipulate their children, and constantly play the victim. A narcissistic mother is unable to give their children adequate attention and nurturing, as she will prioritize her own desires before her children's.
She treats her children as extensions of her.
The narcissistic mother micromanages and exerts an excessive level of control over the way her children act and look to the public. Her children are objects and must be pristine and polished in every way, lest their reputation or appearance taint her own.
PTSD from Childhood Trauma
If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent, there are many instances in which they may have traumatized you throughout your childhood. This can lead to PTSD or cPTSD in adulthood. PTSD can result from overt abuse and neglect, emotional neglect, and gaslighting.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
Narcissists become more manipulative as they age
Narcissistic parents can be especially dangerous as they age, as they become more adept at manipulating their children to further their own agenda. Triangulation is a common tactic they use, playing one sibling off the other in order to create divisions between them.
According to Dr. Malkin, there are three basic types of narcissistic parents — classic (extroverted), covert (introverted) and communal. It's important to understand these different types so you can better understand (and heal) from your experience growing up.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers often struggle with seeking approval from others due to lack of approval from their mothers growing up. They have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults because they are constantly looking for the validation that they were never given by their mothers during childhood.
The Scapegoat is usually victim of emotional and physical abuse by the narcissistic parent. The Lost Child is usually known as “the quiet one” or “the dreamer”. The Lost Child is the invisible child. They try to escape the family situation by making themselves very small and quiet.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
It's a phenomenon called the narcissistic abuse cycle. This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
Narcissism and its Origins
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (sometimes these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies.