In short, a narcissist's strategy during an argument is to maintain their grandiose sense of self and to feel in control and superior to their “enemy.” Their grandiosity is like a fortress they have built around themselves that protects them from abuse and negative feedback.
Shifting blame and defensiveness can sound like: “It's not my fault, it's because of you/money/stress/work.” “If you wouldn't have done this, I wouldn't have done that.” “You knew what you were getting into; this is just the way that I am.”
In a social interaction, discussion, or argument, regular, well-meaning people treat others with curiosity, empathy, and good faith. A narcissist, on the other hand, sees interaction as a win-lose situation. To win, they try to dominate, bully, deceive, demean, humiliate, and hurt others.
Calling you crazy is one of the classic narcissist argument tactics. Narcissists are also called 'crazy makers' because making you question your own sanity helps them establish control over you. It's a classic gaslighting technique to kill your self-esteem and make you doubt your truth.
Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist's beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying.
Types of Narcissistic Rage
Explosive rage: The person hurls insults, screams and yells, and may even threaten other people or harm themselves. Passive rage: The person retreats into a period of sulking and refuses to engage with you.
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Narcissists Use Narcissistic Rage to Pick Fights With You
Narcissistic rage is an unpredictable, unjustifiable, and explosive response that narcissists often have when they experience something that contradicts or threatens their grandiose self-perception.
Narcissists have an excessive need to be in control of their environment and other people and feel entitled to their unconditional attention and admiration. When these needs are threatened, their reaction is often extreme and they either become enraged or passive-aggressive.
What distinguishes narcissistic rage from normal anger is that it is usually unreasonable, disproportional, and cuttingly aggressive (or intensely passive-aggressive), all because the narcissists' wants and wishes are not being catered to. It is a blow to their superficial, idealized self-image.
Apologize. If you've heard someone say, “Narcissists never apologize,” they're not exactly right. While many traits of narcissism like entitlement, elitism, and arrogance make it unlikely someone with narcissistic traits will go the apology route, apologies are sometimes used with ulterior motives.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Final Thoughts on the Red Flags of a Narcissist
Narcissistic individuals often exhibit traits such as a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and an inflated sense of self-importance. It's essential to understand that dealing with a narcissist can be draining and challenging.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Don't argue about 'right' and 'wrong'
"However, it is best to avoid engaging with them on their level," he said. "Be aware that narcissists don't argue to prove a point. They argue to feel a rush of satisfaction of putting you down and belittling you.
Tease, ridicule, and shame them mercilessly for not trying to figure out right from wrong, instead, pretending to have it all figured out. Stay calm, even friendly, to the person cowering inside their absolute narcissistic fake infallibility cloak. Stay light, even humorous.