How To Turn The Tables On a Gaslighter / Exposing a Gaslighter
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How do you outsmart a master manipulator?
To disarm a manipulator, postpone your answer to give yourself time to ponder, question their intent, look disinterested by not reacting, establish boundaries and say no firmly, maintain your self-respect by not apologizing when they blame you for their problems, and apply fogging to acknowledge any mistakes and end ...
It is unlikely that ignoring a gaslighter will result in them stopping this behavior. Arguing with a gaslighter is also futile as the chances of them admitting they were wrong are very low. It is better not to argue and to stop explaining yourself and seeking their approval.
Gaslighters thrive on getting you riled up and playing with your feelings, and it often only makes the manipulation worse. The best thing to do is show absolutely no emotion. Pretend as if you don't care at all – the situation means nothing to you. Your gaslighter will be left scratching their head in confusion.
Often, the best response to gaslighting is to plainly state your needs and boundaries. Sometimes, the safest response to gaslighting can be to leave the situation entirely.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
The term comes from a 1938 mystery thriller called Gas Light where a diabolical husband drives his wife slowly mad by making up false memories and denying facts. In the workplace, gaslighting is a form of harassment that often goes underreported because it is difficult to prove.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
“I hear that your intention was to make a joke, and the impact was hurtful” “My feelings are my feelings; this is how I feel” “This is my experience and these are my emotions” “It sounds like you feel strongly about that, and my emotions are valid too”
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation, and therefore it is a means of achieving a goal. People gaslight for various reasons, however, the central motivation or goal is to control their environment.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation when someone is deliberately twisting reality to make you doubt your own perception of events, as well as your sanity.
Here are gaslighting red flags: They change narratives to deflect blame. They constantly contradict or deny your recollection of events. They minimise or dismiss your concerns.
Like gaslighting, the end goal of the silent treatment is to punish the recipient by blocking or withdrawing information to gain control. The motives of gaslighting are consistent with power and control struggles.
Creating firm boundaries is essential in all relationships — but especially critical when dealing with gaslighters. You can try to limit your conversations with the person or walk away when they start to use phrases that make you feel doubt or anxiety.
The manipulator may experience physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual distress due to a guilty conscience and shame. The manipulator may feel stress and anxiety from having to constantly “cover” themselves, for fear of being found out and exposed.
