The physical signs of cheating are the most obvious. This includes spending more time with friends and less with you, avoiding sex, having a random or significantly changed schedule, and changes in their appearance.
For the betrayed spouse, stages of an affair being exposed can involve everything from denial, shock, reflection, depression to finally taking an upward turn.
In many cases, people think their spouse is cheating on them because either they've cheated on someone in the past or are about to. Psychologists say that projection is a low-level coping skill, where people who cheat or think of cheating are likely to project the same thoughts on their partners.
While the effects of infidelity can manifest in different ways within different relationships, there are some common signs that frequently accompany cheating. Becoming emotionally distant, angry, defensive, or secretive can be hints that they're being unfaithful, as can intense suspicion directed toward you.
Cheaters often react to an accusation of cheating with denial, showing no guilt signs. This can be a simple 'no' or more of a statement of unwillingness to accept the accusation. Whatever the form, denial is likely to be one of the first responses to allegations of cheating.
Unfaithful partners usually lie about how they spend their time, their money, who they are talking to on the phone, or where they have been. For instance, they may say that they are having to work longer hours, weekends, evenings, or travel for work more often to cover for an affair.
Things that can trigger flashbacks include spending time with your partner who cheated, romantic sounds, love stories, not hearing from your partner and sometimes they can just come out of the blue when you least expect it. Being betrayed by a loved one can often be traumatic.
Results of a 2005 study show that there is a significant difference between cheaters and non-cheaters when it comes to the Big Five model of personality traits. Poor self control, selfishness, anger, boredom, and attention-seeking are the most common reasons a person is unfaithful in their relationship.
Cheating husbands may be defensive over the smallest things. They may seem unusually sensitive or touchy about things that seem harmless to you. If you ask an innocent question about what they had for lunch, they may snap at you and accuse you of being controlling or demanding.
Suddenly hiding financial information or being secretive about how much money they have or are spending is a classic method for cheaters to hide their actions. For example, it is common for the cheating partner to purchase their affair partner gifts, spend money on dates, and invest in weekends away.
Create a fake email account that doesn't use your name or any identifying information, like “[email protected].” Then, send your friend an email with details about the cheating and what's going on. Create a fake social media account. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be used to send someone a direct message.
The Progression of Infidelity
Much like the stages of grief, the stages of infidelity are not always linear. For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity.
The first is the stage of little compromises and playing with fire. Each little compromise we make, justifying behaviors we wouldn't have done before. These compromises inches that spouse closer and closer to having an affair. The second stage was the secrecy stage of crossing the line into an affair.
Usually, emotional infidelity starts with a harmless crush. But once we start to flirt and spend more time with someone we have our eye on, a relationship can develop that has romantic potential. Eventually, this opens the door to physical infidelity.
Your partner will stop making the relationship a priority when they are falling out of love. They will either completely withdraw themselves or spend less time with you. They might also start to become too busy with their own personal life.
A guilty person may avoid answering direct questions, refuse to provide information that could be used against them, or simply disappear altogether. Another telltale sign is that a guilty person may tend to lie or provide false explanations for their behavior.
Cheaters will often use laptops and tablets, and even hidden apps, to communicate with a paramour. A new favorite place for texting is Google Docs. Your partner can claim to be working, rather than sexting with a new lover.