Surviving the newborn phase means prioritizing rest, simplifying life, accepting help, and focusing on basics like feeding, sleeping, and bonding, rather than perfection, by embracing flexibility, using tools like baby carriers and white noise, getting outside daily, and lowering expectations for productivity. It's about finding your rhythm as a new family, understanding that feeling overwhelmed is normal, and giving yourself grace while cherishing fleeting moments.
So... Is the Newborn Stage the Hardest? Yes. Not because of the baby. But because of what it demands of you. It demands your body, your mind, your identity. It tears down the person you were and expects you to rebuild, while feeding a tiny human every two hours and remembering to drink water. It's invisible work.
Here are some way to make coping with a newborn a lot easier.
Ask for help. Accept help when needed. Relatives can bring over a cooked meal. Look after the baby while you take a shower, or sleep. They can do a load of washing. Etc. Breathe. If you feel overwhelmed, stop and take a few slow deep breaths, then see to the baby. Or ask someone else to see to the baby.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, infants should generally not spend more than two hours in their car seat at a time.* Think about it. You probably get fidgety after sitting for 2 hours — and remember, as an adult your movement is less restricted when using a lap-and-shoulder seat belt.
The 9-Minute Theory, created by Jaak Panksepp, PhD., suggests that parents should focus on three key moments of interaction with their kids during the day: The first 3 minutes after they wake up. The 3 minutes after they come home from school or daycare. The last 3 minutes of the day before they go to sleep.
The 5-3-3 rule is a loose guideline for structuring a baby's sleep schedule: 5 hours of wake time before the first nap, 3 hours of wake time before the second nap, and 3 hours before bedtime.
Survival Guide to the Newborn Trenches: Hacks from a First-Time Mum
The 5-5-5 rule is a guideline for what kind of help a postpartum mom needs: five days in bed, five days round the bed — meaning minimal walking around — the next five days around the home. This practice will help you prioritize rest and recovery while gradually increasing activity.
In almost all non-Western societies, 40 days after birth is seen as necessary for recuperation. Among most non-Western cultures, family members (especially female relatives) provide strong social support and help new mothers at home during this period.
"The first night after birth, [your] baby is usually worn out and not too fussy," she wrote. "The second night, however, can be a different story. Don't be surprised if he/she is extra fussy that night!
Your baby's constant need for you can be super overwhelming and overstimulating. Once babies start to self-soothe around 3-4 months, you will start to feel more like yourself. With a consistent sleep schedule and environment, your baby will sleep in longer stretches at night and take better naps during the day!
These include:
In reality, the third week might be the hardest week postpartum, since everything seems to feel “normal,” but so much is happening at the same time. This being said, the third week will be an important week to focus on your mental health.
10 Steps of Essential Newborn Care:
Babies start in 'active sleep' (with faster, uneven breathing) and move into a deeper sleep after about 20 minutes. That's a good time to transfer them into their sleeping place. Many babies don't like being put down into a cot.
The military sleep method emphasizes well-researched techniques that can promote a sense of calm and relaxation to help your brain and body prepare for sleep. But it's worth pointing out that no studies have been done on the method itself.
Suggested 50/50 Custody Schedules by Age
Young children do best with frequent exchanges, while teenagers can handle longer times apart. Therefore, many experts recommend families with young children start with 2-2-3 and work up to alternating weeks as the children age.
Giving 20% of your attention will lead to 80% of quality time spent with your children. Your children crave your attention—not all of it; just 20%. Your attention is split into multiple areas: work, your marriage, your kids, your side hustle.
Mothers frequently put their own needs last, leading to a state of depletion in which they feel emotionally and physically drained. Symptoms of DMS may include persistent tiredness, feelings of inadequacy, emotional numbness and social withdrawal.