So what can you do when talking to someone who always gets defensive? Turn up your empathy and turn down your assumptions, because you're most likely going into the interaction hot. You're bracing for that person to feel threatened and that ends up threatening you.
A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself.
Defensiveness is most often a response to criticism. It's when a person tries to defend themselves from feeling angry, hurt, or ashamed when they perceive the other person as critical. Criticism may make the other partner feel anxious or worried that the other partner does not care for them.
Defensiveness is a harmful and unhealthy emotional coping strategy that leads to personal and relationship dissatisfaction over time by avoiding bad feelings in the short term and not actually solving the problem. Some other examples of negative coping strategies include: Emotional Eating. Substance Use Disorders.
An example of defensive behavior stemming from trauma is when someone has been through abuse in the past and has a hard time trusting other people because of it. So when their partner questions them about something, they lash out with defensive actions to keep others away so that nothing bad happens again.
People with high levels of narcissism tend to respond very defensively when their positive self-evaluations are threatened.
Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger.
However, when someone gets defensive about their idea or point of view, it is usually a clear sign of insecurity. Defensiveness occurs if we know we aren't comfortable with what we are saying or doing.
For example, defensive behaviors, such as rolling the eyes, not listening, making excuses, or blaming others can cause your communication partner to argue back louder, walk away, blame you back, and gunnysack (a non-productive conflict tactic where one saves up or “gunnysacks” all their complaints until they burst with ...
Defensive behaviors occur when people perceive politics as a threat rather than an opportunity. They respond with reactive and protective behaviors to avoid action, blame, or change. Defensive behaviors are often associated with negative feelings toward the job and work environment.
1. aggressive or submissive behavior in response to real or imagined threats of harm. A cat, for example, may exhibit defensive aggression by spitting and hissing, arching its back, and raising the hair along the back of the neck in anticipation of a physical threat (see animal defensive behavior).
⛳ The Third Red Flag: Defensiveness
It's about making excuses for yourself, blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong, and refusing to cooperate — essentially using a lot of "yes, but" statements instead of "I'm sorry". Defensiveness is a way of deflecting responsibility or blame.
Defensiveness is a coping skill — a response to a perceived attack or criticism. In general, there are two ways to respond: You can deny it, act out, attack, blame someone else, or. You can intellectually rationalize the perceived attack or criticism.
Instead of communicating needs or stating a position using clear, concise, and non-combative language, a defensive person will rely on passive-aggressive statements that throw the argument back on their partner. Instead of explaining a point of view, all you're doing is giving your partner all new reasons to be angry.
A Defender (ISFJ) is someone with the Introverted, Observant, Feeling, and Judging personality traits. These people tend to be warm and unassuming in their own steady way. They're efficient and responsible, giving careful attention to practical details in their daily lives. Love only grows by sharing.
They are sensitive but, often, their reactions to your comments are a defence mechanism. The two may feel the same to the person experiencing these feelings but, in reality, they are worlds apart.
A narcissist is likely to be enraged when they begin to lose control. They may lash out at you, go on a smear campaign, or purposefully ignore you. They may also lovebomb you to reel you back in. Their main goal is to get your attention, provoke a response, and regain power.
They are uncomfortable with feelings in general and managing their own. Defensive individuals don't like to “work through” emotional issues in the collaborative way adults are expected to. They can be highly impulsive and quick in their emotional reactions, without pausing to think things through in a balanced way.
“I'm not going to keep talking to me if you won't listen and just have to tell me that I'm wrong.” Guilt: “If you really cared, you'd never talk to me that way when I'm just trying to share my feelings.” “Can't you see that you always try to win by telling me where I'm wrong?”
Defensive communication happens when a message triggers a sense of threat, and therefore defensiveness, on the part of the listener. Defensive communication involves not only the actual verbal message, but also body language, tone of voice and perceived meaning and intention as well.