Try not to make too much time for an oversharer, etiquette expert Melissa Leonard said. Listen, don't ask too many questions, shake your head with sympathy and try saying something brief like, “I'm so sorry you're going through that” or “Oh, wow, that sounds great — let's catch up later,” she suggested.
Oversharing can all too often be a smokescreen for a serious psychological issue, including things like anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. And the first hint can be whether you can control your blather or not.
Oversharing is a common struggle among people who lack personal boundaries. It's not a conscious decision, but it often leaves us feeling icky and depleted. Oversharing usually comes from a desire to connect.
06/9They are narcissistic
If a person is a narcissist, or they feel inadequate, they often end up sharing everything that comes to mind to make sure they are heard. The insecurity of feeling ignored or too much self-validation overpowers their ability to decide what to share or not.
Oversharing doesn't create intimacy. Oversharing is self-absorption masked as vulnerability. This may also signal emotional neediness and/or lack of boundaries.
In the case of manipulation, oversharing may mean that you lack strong boundaries, which could put you in the way of manipulation (Lusinski 2020).
If you live with complex trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), trauma dumping or oversharing could be a natural trauma response and coping mechanism.
Oversharing is about poor boundaries. It's a misplaced request for emotional labour or support that is inappropriate for the wider situation or the relationship with another person. It comes from a purely selfish place.
Being careless with your privacy can open you and your family up to everything, from cyberbullying and theft to extortion and kidnap. Criminals can use social media geo-tagging, landmarks and research into your typical behaviour or schedule.
Vulnerability is a quality that brings people closer together and leaves them feeling more connected. Oversharing does the opposite. It's an uncomfortable and unsatisfying experience for both parties.
Oversharing is described as “revealing an inappropriate amount of detail about one's personal life” – and Dr Kirren Schnack, a clinical psychologist from Oxford, has taken to TikTok to address the potential causes behind it.
The Oversharing Habit Is a Way for Us to Cope
Oversharing is one of those coping mechanisms that falls in that gray area, sometimes helping us to release stress, communicate our internal struggles or joys with others, and to reach out in a time of need.
How it affects mental health. FOMO has a big effect on oversharing and often a bigger detrimental effect on mental health, it can often lead to extreme dissatisfaction. If you don't receive the 'appropriate' amount of likes and comments users may internalise the belief that they are unpopular or unliked by their peers.
According to Banks, overexplaining can be a trauma response and can develop as a result of gaslighting. She adds that anxiety or ADHD can also lead to overexplaining and it can happen to those who grew up with a strict upbringing where “you had to justify your choices”.
Is oversharing a defense mechanism? Oversharing is a habit many of us experience from time to time, particularly during seasons of great emotional stress or trauma. Oversharing is a coping mechanism, a trauma response, and also a habit that can negatively affect our reputation and our relationships.
If you're the one getting dumped on, Becker suggests validating the person's feelings and showing empathy, but telling them you do not feel comfortable being in the conversation. “[Then offer] to help them secure the more helpful person or professional to talk to about this,” she says.
"People who are codependent tend to get too close, too fast, and overshare," therapist Erin Parisi, LMHC, MCAP, told INSIDER. "A codependent person may be 'all in' in a relationship very early on, making major commitments like moving in without spending enough time getting to know their partner."
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
If, however, you share your hardships to gain pity, you're oversharing. An attempt to fast-track the relationship. Authentic people build relationships first. Over-sharers blurt out personal information in an attempt to gain a sense of intimacy, without building trust.