A controlling relationship is one where one partner dominates the other in an unhealthy, self-serving manner. If your partner constantly makes you feel intimidated, insecure, or guilty, you could be in a controlling relationship. And control in a relationship is a form of abuse.
If someone tries to control situations or other people to an unhealthy extent, others may describe them as a controlling person. They may try to control a situation by taking charge and doing everything themselves or control others through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.
Some potential causes of controlling behavior are: low self-esteem; being micromanaged or controlled by someone else; traumatic past experiences; a need to feel in-control; or a need to feel 'above' someone else.. None of these have to do with you, the victim of inappropriate control.
A controlling person is someone who attempts to maintain control, authority, and/or decision-making power over other people and situations. Controlling behavior can include everything from directly telling someone what they can or cannot do to more discreet methods like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, possessiveness.
They are terrified of failure, particularly their own and of being unable to fathom the consequences when things go wrong. There is a core of fearfulness or anxiety about their own limitations (often unexplored), a worry about not being respected and a distrust in the ability of others to do what they ask of them.
Summary. Controlling people attempt to assert power and control over others through manipulative tactics such as blaming, being critical, and shutting others down. They may not be aware they are exhibiting this behavior, which often stems from their own anxiety.
Understanding Controlling People
Insecurity — Controlling behavior is often the result of fear or insecurity on the part of the controller, despite the image of strength and confidence he or she often projects.
There is a very fine line of difference between caring and controlling making it very difficult to distinguish between the two. While caring arises from a sense of selflessness and love, controlling usually starts with feelings of insecurity and resentment.
Control freaks are often perfectionists. They may manipulate or pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves. Control freaks sometimes have similarities to codependents, in the sense that the latters' fear of abandonment leads to attempts to control those they are dependent on.
Control seekers are often obsessive-compulsive, angry (either overt or passive-aggressive), phobic, or even mood-disordered. These people need control because, without it, they fear things would spiral out of control and their lives would fall apart.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
Control is typically a reaction to the fear of losing control. People who struggle with the need to be in control often fear being at the mercy of others, and this fear may stem from traumatic events that left them feeling helpless and vulnerable.
Controlling behaviors can develop due to several different factors. However, the most common drivers of control issues are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People who have anxiety disorders feel like they need to control things around them so that they can appease their anxiety.
You believe you are 100% responsible for your success.
Control freaks believe with enough effort and skill they can accomplish anything. They don't believe in timing or luck. They often say things like, “Failure isn't an option,” and they are overly critical of themselves when things don't go as planned.
domineering. adjective. trying to control other people and make them obey you.
Inclined to control others in a manipulative or domineering manner. domineering. oppressive. abusive. manipulative.
Signs of insecurity in men commonly include elements of controlling behavior. This may take the form of belittling or putting you down, isolating you from friends and family, constantly guilting you, a constant lack of trust, stressing their role as your 'protector' and the list goes on.
A red flag that you are in a controlling relationship is when your partner (tries to) isolate you from your friends and family. They don't want you to spend time with your loved ones – the people who truly love and support you and who might warn you that something is wrong in your relationship.
Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse whereby the perpetrator carries out a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviours within a relationship and exerts power over a victim, often through intimidation or humiliation, which tends to be more subtle and harder to spot.