Control freak symptoms include micromanaging, perfectionism, difficulty delegating, judging others, needing to be right, manipulating situations, creating drama, controlling finances, isolating loved ones, getting jealous easily, and using intimidation or the silent treatment to get their way, often stemming from anxiety and a fear of things not going as planned. They often think their way is the only right way and try to change others to fit their expectations, while struggling with ambiguity.
Am IA Control Freak?
Control freaks tend to have a psychological need to be in charge of things and people – even circumstances that cannot be controlled. The need for control, in extreme cases, stems from deeper psychological issues such as obsessive–compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), anxiety disorders, or personality disorders.
First and foremost, control freaks rarely know that they are one! They believe that they're just helping you with their “feedback or suggestions” or by finishing something “so it's done right.” They don't see their controlling behavior as a symptom of their own anxiety.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): People with NPD may exert control to maintain their sense of superiority and avoid vulnerability. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Some individuals with BPD use controlling behaviours as a way to manage fear of abandonment.
The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.
When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders—borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic—they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself.
- Control freaks don't delegate.
That is something they cannot let happen. Remember, they fear criticism, rejection, or punishment.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Consider the seven signs we've discussed – manipulation, a lack of empathy, an inability to admit wrongs, habitual lying, disrespecting boundaries, constant negativity, and a lack of remorse. Each one of these actions represents a disregard for the respect that each individual deserves.
Albers says that's not always the case. More often, the desire to control is driven by fear and anxiety. “People who have control issues experience a lot of anxiety, and they try to control things to reduce their anxiety level,” she explains.
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) involves an extensive preoccupation with perfectionism, organization and control.
Deep down, control freaks are terrified of being vulnerable; they're anxious, insecure and angry. They believe they can protect themselves by staying in control of every aspect of their lives. They're very critical of their colleagues and their friends, but underneath their criticism is a mountain of unhappiness.
If you think your relationship might be unhealthy or you aren't sure, take a look below to find several common warning signs in unhealthy relationships.
The 70/30 rule in relationships suggests balancing time together (70%) with personal time apart (30%) for hobbies, friends, and self-growth, promoting independence and preventing codependency, while another view says it's about accepting 70% of your partner as "the one" and learning to live with the other 30% of quirks, requiring effort to manage major issues within that space, not a pass for abuse. Both interpretations emphasize finding a sustainable balance and acknowledging that relationships aren't always 50/50, with the key being communication and effort, not strict adherence to numbers.
Control freaks believe that, with enough effort and skill, they can accomplish anything. They don't believe in timing or luck. They often say things like, “Failure isn't an option,” and they're overly critical of themselves when things don't go as planned.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
The 777 dating rule is a relationship strategy for intentional connection, suggesting couples schedule a date every 7 days, an overnight getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months to keep the spark alive, build memories, and prevent disconnection from daily life. It's about consistent, quality time, not necessarily grand gestures, and focuses on undivided attention to strengthen intimacy and partnership over time.
The 3-squeeze rule involves kissing your partner post-squeeze. The 3-squeeze rule is a trend that's currently going viral on TikTok. It's defined by kissing your partner after they've squeezed your hand 3 times.
Key points
Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration. Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment. Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements. Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
Speak up, but don't tell them what to do. Be healthily assertive rather than controlling. Stay confident and refuse to play the victim. Most important, always take a consistent, targeted approach.
Warning signs for a toxic person
10 Types of Difficult People
People who are too self-centered often disregard and dismiss other people's problems and needs. They think they are the center of all conversations and can never empathise or listen to other people's opinions. This makes others feel unmotivated and less in front of them.